


Stars: There's a Thousand and Three

by KitHourglass



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-02-26 08:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13231611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitHourglass/pseuds/KitHourglass
Summary: Dean Winchester is a lot of things, a veteran, a mechanic, a brother. He's never been someone that's worth anything. He's never been worth loving. When he makes friends with a young college student with problems of his own, Dean's world is changed. Maybe for the better.





	1. Out of the blue

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a while, when I accidently started shipping these two idiots. In canon (at least according to supernatural wiki) Dean is fourteen years older then Kevin, which is a lot, I know. But I've changed it to ten years in this fic. Despite that it's so rare, I really see potential for this ship. Edited by my lovely friend TeamFreeWillAlways. Enjoy!

The first time Dean notices the kid hanging around Bobby's scarp yard, he's probably been standing there for a good ten-twenty minutes, awkwardly slouched with hands in pockets, staring at Dean like he's the answer to all the problems in the world. Far from it, though, Dean hates to break it to the kid, but of course he doesn't say that. Just rolls out little from under the car, or pile of junk more like, he's currently repairing, and barks, "You need something?" 

It comes out hasher then Dean intends, and the kid flinches, looks down, shuffling his feet. Doesn't say anything though, which seems a bad move after someone snaps at you asking you if you need something. Dean sighs, and resigns himself to standing up, though he doesn't manage to actually do it for a few minutes. It's not like he's trying to be unpleasant, but he has work to do, and has no idea what this kid is doing here. He's around eighteen, or maybe nineteen, Asian, short dark hair. And is that-, God, there's a fucking bicycle leaning against the post just inside Bobby's yard. If the kid doesn't even have a car, what the hell is he doing here? 

"I- uh, yes." The kid says looking awkward and slightly frightened of the greasy, grouchy twenty-something mechanic, frowning at him from half under a car. Dean kinda feels sorry for him, and thinks he should probably be nicer. Sammy's always telling him that, at least. Not that he exactly listens to his brother. 

Dean actually stands up this time, wiping his hands on a cloth that is possibly more coated with grease then Dean is, thus accomplishing nothing. He strolls over to the kid, or more like limps because of his goddamn leg. "What do you need help with? This is a auto shop." He states, somewhat unnecessarily in his never to be humble opinion. B&E's Salvage and Auto Repair is on a sign hanging at the entrance, and he's fairly certain the kid's not illiterate, there's a backpack on the bike and Dean can spy at least one book peaking out of the top. 

"I- I know." The kid says. "Look, I really don't want to waste your time, and if there's nothing you can do I understand, but something on my bike broke, and this is the only place I could find." Dean's relived he's actually speaking in sentences now, but he's more then a little confused. It's not exactly a small town and he knows there's at least one bicycle store around. 

Dean blinks. "Only place . . . ? Isn't there that one bicycle place down on main?" He feels a little stupid standing here covered in grease. The kid isn't spotless, sure, but his jeans, tee, and button up are far nicer then Dean's ratty jeans and grease stained white tank. He wishes there was someone else around to deal with this, Ellen or- yeah okay Ellen's probably the only one who'd be better at this then Dean. Bobby, and Jo would terrify the kid. Bad times when Dean Winchester is second best choice for gentle at an establishment. 

The kid kinda shrugs. "It's- look, I just got here to go to MJU. I don't have the money for those fancy bike shops. The sheriff pulled me over after I almost got killed in traffic with the bum bike and told me about this place. Said she knew one of the owners, Bobby Singer? That she'd put in a good word for me?" The kid offers. Dean gets it now, they're always picking up stays, the lot of them, and Jody the sheriff is no better. The kid might be leaving a shit family, like Sam had, or just one without a lot of money. Had probably gotten a scholarship too, how else would he pay for MJU without? Micah Justin wasn't super high end or well known, but it was a good school. 

Dean is interrupted by the kid- and he's starting to feel real stupid calling him the kid all the time- saying, "Are you him?" 

"Am I who?" Dean asks, completely off track. 

The kid looks at him like he thinks Dean might be just a little bit stupid, which isn't too far from the truth in Dean's opinion. He had barely finished high school, and instead of applying to colleges he would never get into, Dean joined the army. "Bobby Singer." 

"Hmm? Oh, no." Dean laughs, which probably just adds to the notion that Dean is an idiot. "I'm his nephew." Not true, strictly speaking, but Bobby has been more family to Sam and Dean then their own father had ever been. He brings his mind back to the present. "I can take a look at your bike though, I'm not working on anything pressing. Sorry for being so coarse earlier, I'm just not used to people with bikes showing up here." 

The kid nods, and smiles even. "Thank you so much!" He follows Dean to the garage, wheeling his bike and looking around in interest. "Where is everyone?" He asks. "More people work here, don't they?" 

Dean is already down on his knees, a little too hard on the bum leg, but he'll live, and he's checking the bike for issues, the spokes are messed up, and some screws that need tightening, not to mention needs a good oil, a new seat. The biggest issue is the breaks though, probably what almost killed the kid. Holy hell what happened to this bike? He answers the kid though, not bothering to look up. "Most of us don't work on Saturdays." He says, feeling the spokes. 

The kid sits cross legged next to him, backpack in his lap. "Why do you?" 

Dean shrugs. "I get paid extra, and got nothing to do on weekends while my brother is out of town." Great, now the kid knows how lame Dean Winchester is. The kid hums, and Dean decides this really must end. "I'm Dean, by the way." 

"Oh!" The kid says, "Kevin. I'm Kevin." 

"Nice to meet you, Kevin," Dean says before turning and standing up, laughing a little when the kid, Kevin, jumps up too and almost hits himself with the backpack on the way up. "Well, your bike needs some work, the breaks need repaired is the biggest thing, but these screws should be tightened up, and it needs some oiling." He doesn't mention the ratty seat or need of a new paint job. "I can fix it up for you." He doesn't know why, but the kid is kinda growing on him, and if Jody sent him here she expects him to be taken care of. He's worked on bikes before, so it shouldn't take too long. 

Kevin looks like he might throw his arms around Dean. "Really?! Thank you!" He's beaming and Dean smiles back. It feels good to help the kid a little, even if it's just this one thing. Kevin's face quickly goes grim though. "How much will it cost?" He looks down worriedly, and reaches in his bag to pull out a wallet. Dean sees what looks like the last of the money, 5 twenties and some ones. The kid must have taken a bus here. "There's a few days before they open the dorms so I'll need to get a hotel. Do you think maybe I could pay in installments?" He's looking so hopeful and a little scared it almost breaks Deans heart. 

"It shouldn't be a lot, Kevin, don't worry. Maybe twenty-five bucks or so." More like fifty, if you counted the parts, but Dean doesn't think Kevin needs to worry about that. The kid looks like he's on his last leg. Or bike. Something. "As for hotels, I can point you to one, or much cheaper and nicer, there's lots of folks around here who will put you up for a few days. Jody'll take you if all else fails, but you can stay here if you want, we get folks all the time." 

Kevin is staring like he has now confirmed that Dean is out of his mind. "You would do that? We just met." 

Dean shrugs. "We help each other here." 

Kevin seems dazed. "Thank you," He says, for the thousandth time. Dean doesn't mind. It's good to help someone, even if it's just small, he's impacted this kid's life. Of course, he doesn't know just how much he's going to impact the person standing in front of him, and how much he'll be changed in return.

 

Ellen, Bobby and Jo are not at all phased by a random kid staying at their house. They're used to Jody and Sam finding strays, and know Dean is guilty as well. Ellen only asks how Kevin likes his potatoes, and sends Dean and Jo upstairs to "Fix up the guest room" which is pretty much code for "Go change the fucking sheets that have not been changed in years" Jo makes a face and says something along the lines of, "Both of us?" to which Ellen gives her the mom look. They go change the fucking sheets. 

While they're there, squabbling like they are two and eight instead of twenty-two and twenty-eight, Jo asks, "So what's with the kid, Dean?" 

Dean shrugs, fluffing the pillows like Ellen taught him. "He seemed like he needed some help." 

"Well, duh, the kid's scrawny as hell and rode here on a bike that's so beat up he almost got killed, he clearly needs some help." His sister, for all intents and purposes, snorts. "But you're more the kind of 'There's a motel over there and here's twenty bucks for dinner' then the 'Come into my home' type guy. I don't mind the kid's here, I'm just wondering." She eyes him quizzically. 

Jo, Dean notices, has stopped making the bed and is instead observing him in a way that reminds him all too well of her mother. He solves this by throwing a pillow at her.

"Oh fuck off, Jo." He growls at her. "What, I'm not allowed to bring strays home like everyone else? It's a miracle we haven't had anyone staying here for a while. I'm just making sure we keep our streak as the nicest people in Sioux Falls." 

"Nicest? Or craziest?" 

"I don't have to make sure we keep our crazy streak, you can do that all by yourself, kid." 

Jo promptly tackles him onto the floor, effectively proving his point. He would laugh, but she has him a choke hold. 

"Dean Winchester and Joanna Beth Harvelle, stop messing about and do what I told you!" Ellen yells up the stairs. 

"Yes mom!" They chorus at her. 

 

By the time Dean and Jo have actually made the guest room liveable, dinner is ready, and they're being directed to the sink to wash up while Bobby dutifully sets the table. Kevin looks a little awkward, and Dean uncermiously plops into the chair beside him and leans over to whisper "You okay, kid?" 

Kevin's expression makes Dean wonder whether he's more uncomfortable about Dean invading his space or calling him kid. He's got to stop doing that, at least according to his younger siblings. Kevin doesn't comment though on that just mutters, "I feel weird not helping or anything since I'm kinda imposing but Ellen wouldn't let me help with anything." 

The mechanic laughs quietly. "Yeah she does that, you're a guest. Stay here long enough you won't get out of work though, trust me." 

Kevin chuckles, looking relived, at least until Ellen gives them the stink eye. "Believe it or not, I can hear you, Winchester." 

The kid blushes, but Dean just mockingly salutes Ellen as she takes her seat at the head of the table, Bobby on the other end and Jo opposite from the boys, absent mindedly stabbed the air with her fork. 

"Jo, put the fork down before you jab someone's eye out." Bobby growls, and Jo puts the fork down looking guilty. Dean gives her a smile of triumph, though there is nothing to be triumphant about he just likes seeing her told off and spears a potato with his own fork. 

"S'good, Ellen." He says because he has never learned table manners and probably never will.

Jo just rolls her eyes, and turns to Kevin. "Sorry about this, I would tell you he's not always this way but that would be a lie." 

Dean swallows his food and shrugs. "What, a man isn't allowed to enjoy his food?" He smirks at Jo. "And besides, you say that like you never lie." 

"Stop bickering like children! We have a guest." Bobby says, taking a swig of his beer. 

But Kevin just kinda smiles not really saying anything. He looks content though.

It's Dean's turn to clean up after dinner, which is always an eventful night as he almost always breaks dishes, and Kevin insists on helping him since he didn't help with the food. 

"Probably good you're helping, I always fuck up the dishes," Dean confesses as they start on the mountain of dishes. Like seriously there are way more dishes then five people should have used. 

"How do you even fuck up dishes? It's the easiest thing to do in the kitchen." Kevin asks, washing the dishes like he does it professionally. Probably does. Nerd. 

Dean glares at the soapy water they're both trying to wash dishes in. Or rather Dean is trying and Kevin is succeeding. "Hey, my hands are big and they always drop things." 

Kevin snorts a little bit at that, shoving Dean over with his hip so he can reach the tap to rinse off his plate. "They drop things all on their own do they?"

Dean shoves him back, grinning as Kevin stumbles and flicks soap sods at him in retaliation. This is a bit weird, Dean admits. He just met this kid, but already he's adapting to them quickly, fitting right in. He wasn't planning on making friends, Dean doesn't really do that that often, but it's probably not surprising he gets along with Kevin, the kid reminds him of Sam. Speaking of, Sam's gonna love this kid if he's still hanging around when Sam visits for the holidays.

"Oh my God, have you never washed dishes with another person before?" Dean turns to see Jo leaning against the door way with her eyebrows all the way to her hairline, probably for more then just the dishes. 

"You try washing dishes with him, see how easy it is!" Kevin says, just as Dean splashes him, getting him back for the soap now clinging to Dean's shirt. 

Jo laughs at their battle, coming closer and grabbing a towel off the counter. "Hardly anything is easy with him." She agrees, and Kevin and Jo high five. 

"Hey!" Dean shouts, swatting at Jo, but she dodges and hits him on the arm with the towel. Kevin in turn launches more soap at Dean. "Oh, you're asking for it now." He growls at the two of them, grabbing a plate and placing it under the facet so the water goes everywhere, spraying pretty much everyone, and Jo shrieks. 

Eventually they manage to actually do the dishes, Kevin washing, Dean rinsing and Jo drying. When they're finally done, the three of them sit on the floor as if they have fought a great war. Which they kind of did. Dean is covered in soap and both Jo and Kevin's clothes are dripping wet. 

When Bobby comes into the kitchen a few minutes later, he stares for a few moments, shakes his head muttering, "Idjiots," and walks right back out. They glance at each other, and collapse into laughter.

 

On Kevin's third day staying with them, Dean drives him into town for college supplies. It's the last day before college starts, and Kevin's moving into the dorms tomorrow. Dean is selected to take him because he was, as Jo put it, "Experienced in helping nerds find 24 packs of rainbow pens and college ruled spiral bound notebooks." That's what Kevin's excited about. Not, you know, bedding or posters for his dorm room. Nerd. 

It's the first time Kevin has been in Dean's car, and to the mechanic's pleasure, Kevin is impressed. 

"This is your car?" The kid asks when they head out to the car, staring at the impala instead of getting in. "I mean I know pretty much nothing about cars, but this is a really cool car." 

Dean beams like Kevin has just cooed at his child. It's pretty much the same thing with Dean and the Impala though. "Yeah, isn't she beautiful?" He says. "1967 black Chevy Impala. She used to be my dad's." His face turns a little grim at the mention of his father, but he quickly shakes it off, watching Kevin touch his beloved car almost reverently. 

Kevin's still in shock by the time he actually gets in the car, shaking his head, black hair in need of a cut flipping around. Dean makes a mental note to have him get his hair cut today. Geez it's like Sam all over again. "How have I known and lived with you for three days and not known about this car. I mean I knew you were a mechanic and probably really into classic cars, but still." 

Dean surprises himself by grinning as he starts the car. Why is he so open to this kid he barely knows? That's not how Dean operates. As harmless as Kevin is, it's stupid to get attached to someone who stayed with them for a few days and is going on his merry way to college. Granted Dean's not telling Kevin his darkest secrets, but he's been more open around him, laughed more. Maybe it's just because Kevin's young, and nerd, and a bit of a little shit. Reminds Dean of Sam at that age. 

He relaxes from his internal panic at allowing himself to be too open. It's just for today, and not like he's going to tell Kevin war stories and become bosom buddies with a eighteen year old. Cars are good. Cars are manly and not at all venerable and laughing is perfectly fine. "Well I've been working on your bike mostly, guess we just really didn't have much time to talk about cars. I'm surprised though, I brag about this car all the damn time, just ask Sam." 

They turn onto the main road that leads into town, Dean calm behind the Impala's wheel. Kevin seems at ease too, he's chilled out a bit since he first got here on the bum bike. He gets along with Jo and Dean too, though he thinks Bobby and Ellen might scare the kid a little bit. Not that he can blame him. They scare him too. 

"Yeah, your brother. I wish I could meet him, he really sounds cool." Kevin says, because Dean has talked about his journalist for a brother extensively.

Dean snorts, "Yeah you two nerds would get along quite well." 

Kevin rolls his eyes and gives Dean a pretty good bitch face. Sam would be proud. That is if he knew Kevin beyond a few text messages sent by Jo and Dean about him. Scratch that, Sam would be proud of anyone who gave Dean a bitch face, especially if he wasn't there to do it himself. "You say nerd like it's this big insult, but I'm proud to be a nerd. And besides," here Kevin shoots Dean a knowing look that someone who has only known him for three days should not be able to use, "You may not be like a math or book nerd but you can't hid your Star Wars merch or comic collection." 

Dean mock gasps. "A man has a right to privacy, Kevin! That you have sorely invaded." 

"Dude, your comic books are displayed on your bookshelf and you have three star wars posters in your room. That you invited me into, to see said posters." 

"That is a dirty rumor." Dean replies, not sure how to feel about how well the kid is assessing him.   
Kevin doesn't say anything for a few moments, giving Dean the false assumption he has won. "Which, that you're a nerd or that you let eighteen year olds into your bedroom?" 

Dean tries to give him a look of disdain, but it's really quite hard. It's nice to banter like this, like he would with Sam were he not on the other side of the country interviewing people about all sorts of important things that Dean wouldn't possibly understand. 

The kid gives him a look that clearly says, Checkmate.

 

By that evening, Kevin's bag is filled with notebooks, pens and the textbooks he had bought before coming, and Ellen had let him borrow another bag to put clothes and bedding in. He didn't have much in the clothing department, as he hadn't brought a lot, and hadn't had money for anything beyond school supplies and sheets and a pillow. Dean had managed to convince him to let him buy the kid some jeans, and given him some of his extra shirts to wears, and Ellen was letting him keep the quilt from his bed. He still hasn't had his hair cut. 

Kevin had disappeared after dinner, and checking, Dean doesn't see him in his bedroom. He glances out the window to see Kevin on the back porch swing. It had been Dean's own retreat often enough that he can recognize how Kev is probably feeling right now- and when did he give the kid a damn nickname? 

Dean heads downstairs, stopping by the kitchen to grab the last piece of pie from the fridge. He had planned on eating said pie alone in his bedroom at midnight where he'd be allowed to make all the sex noises he wanted, but he figured Kevin could use some cheering up and he might not get any more homemade pie- or anything for a while. Dean snags a couple forks from the drawer and takes care not to slam the screen door as he steps out of the house onto the back porch. 

"Hey Kev." Dean greets him, standing next to the porch swing. "Mind if I join you?" When it takes Kevin a few moments to reply, Dean adds "And in case my presence isn't enough for you, I have the last piece of pie that I have so graciously decided to share with you and not eat all by myself." 

Kevin snorts, but he's smiling as he scoots over to make room for the other on the seat. "That's real decent of you, seeing as you ate about three-fourths of that pie by yourself." 

"Watch it," Dean warns, settling down on the bench next to Kevin, setting the pie down on their knees and handing Kevin a fork. "Or I really will just eat it by myself." 

The boy nods solemnly, half smiling at Dean. "Which is why you're handing me a fork?"

"Maybe I'm just trying to trick you." The Winchester suggests, scooping a bit of the pie onto his fork. A bit of apple falls out as Dean is trying to eat it and Kevin has the audacity to laugh at him. Dean glares, and picks up the apple with his fingers and eats it. "Shut up." 

They sit and eat their pie in silence for a few minutes before Dean says what he actually came out here to say. "So what's up?" 

"Huh?" Kevin asks with a mouthful of pie. 

Dean sighs. Despite the fact he's about as good at talking about feelings as he is at walking in heels, he wants to try to see what's on Kevin's mind. Yes he has tried walking in heels. It did not work out well, for Dean's ankles or Jo's heels. 

"You seem a bit down, have since dinner, and then you came out here." At Kevin's questioning look, Dean gestures with his fork. "You're sitting on a porch swing, but you're not swinging, in the dark, and that's not exactly something I've seen you do before. Though I've certainly done the whole sitting on the swing staring into the scrap yard. It's a nice hide out cause people can see you so they don't worry but you're still alone." 

Kevin sighs, playing with the crust, not looking at the other man. "You say you're bad at observing things but you seem pretty good at it to me." Dean waits, letting him gather his thoughts, waiting for him to speak. Kevin doesn't disappoint. "I'm just a little bummed I guess. It's been weird sure, how fast I became friends and hung out with you guys. It's usually pretty hard for me to make friends and talk to people, I was always so focused on school. I'm gonna miss talking to you guys." He looks down as though he's ashamed to be saying this. 

Dean knocks their shoulders together. "Kev, we're not gonna stop talking to you just cause you go off to college. You'll be close, and you can come hang out anytime, just don't expect any homework help." 

"Really? You're gonna want me to come back even after I crashed at your house for three days?" Kevin looks shocked as though he is unused to people liking him. 

"Yes dumbass, contrary to popular belief we actually like you." He gets an idea that honestly he should have come up with ages ago. "Gimme your phone." 

Kevin looks suspicious as he hands his phone over. Dean pays him no mind as he puts his number and the house number in then hands it back to Kevin. 

The kid takes the phone and squints at it. "You put your number in?" 

"No, that's the dry cleaner's, his name is also Dean, figured you need that in college." Dean replies sarcastically. "For someone who was in advanced placement you seem to be a little dumb." 

Kevin shoves him so hard he falls off the swing, pie pan and forks clattering on the porch next to him, but they're both laughing. Yeah, Dean thinks. Kevin's gonna be okay.


	2. Close Knit

The next morning, Dean drives Kevin to MJU along with his newly repaired bike and his few bags. "You sure you'll be good with just this stuff?" Dean asks in the parking lot. 

Kevin rolls his eyes. "Stop fussing over me, Dean. You and Ellen made sure I had plenty of stuff. I have my school books, bedding, and clothes. What else could I possibly need?" 

Dean knows he's being over-protective and worrying. Jeez, he needs to stop being such a clingy little bitch, it's not like Kevin actually needs him or anything. Not like they're best friends. He just helped the kid out, and now Kevin is glad to be rid of him. It's probably good Kevin didn't give Dean his number when Dean gave him his; he probably wouldn't be able to resist checking up on him. No wonder Sam stays away from him, Dean doesn't have his own life; he just tries to cling onto other people's who would rather have nothing to do with him. It's good Kevin is getting away. 

When Dean doesn't answer, lost in his thoughts, Kevin leans over and waves a hand in front of his face. "Dean?" 

"Huh?" He asks, and of course he's been lost in his own self deprecation. "Oh, nothing, I just zoned out. Do you need help getting your stuff up?" He asks, opening the trunk of the impala for Kevin. 

Kevin smiles gratefully. "Yeah actually, that would be awesome. I mean I don't have a ton of stuff but it's nice to have someone there with me. I've never done this before." 

"No problem," Dean replies, ignoring the swell of warmth in his stomach; that even in this one moment someone is grateful for his presence. Even as moral support. Dean Winchester as moral support, imagine that. 

Kevin takes his backpack and Dean grabs the bedding bag, following behind Kevin to the building he's been assigned. "Does it say your roommate's name?" Dean asks. 

Kevin looks at his information packet. "My roommate's name is," Kevin squints a little at the card, "Harrington Thomas." He stares in disbelief. Dean snatches the card out of his hand to look himself. "His parents must have hated him a hell of a lot to give him that name," Kevin says. 

Dean nods in agreement as they head up the stairs, falling behind Kevin so his limp isn't so obvious. "Hope he's not as stuck up as his name." 

Kevin snorts a bit, opening the door to his dorm room. It's empty, save for basic furniture squeezed into the small space. Two twin beds on either side of the single window, one against each wall. There's a set of drawers under each bed, and one closet next to the door. There's a desk under the window, squeezed between the two beds, and another at the end of the left bed. 

"Well these rooms haven't gotten any bigger since Sammy went here," Dean observes. "Which bed do you want, kid? Looks like Prince Harrington isn't here yet."

"Shh! He could come in!" Kevin hisses. "I don't need you on bad terms with my roommate." His only answer to Dean's question is to throw his backpack on the right bed. 

Dean fights the urge to ask why it would matter what terms he's on with Kevin's roommate. It's not like he's ever gonna be in the room again. Even if Kevin wants to see Dean's family again, he'll probably come to the house to hang out with Jo, Ellen, and Bobby. Not like Dean is gonna do keg stands or whatever it is that college kids do with him. Though Dean doubts Kevin is the keg stand type. 

Kevin will want to get away from Dean fast, he's sure of that. Everyone does. 

Dean throws his hands above his head. "Officially shutting up." He grins to hide his dark thoughts. Kevin turns to grin back at him. He looks so young, so happy and carefree. It's good to see him that way, after how nervous he had been when he showed up at the junk yard and how he looked last night. This is a Kevin Dean would love to see again. But he won't. Kevin is worth so much more than that. Worth so much more than Dean's friendship. 

"That'll be the day," Kevin tells him, eyes alight like he hopes to see Dean in future days. An answering flick of hope stirs in Dean's chest. 

 

As it turns out, Kevin does reach out, and fairly quickly too. It's only a few days before Dean receives a text from the freshman. He's laying on the couch in the living room not watching TV that evening, while Jo is sitting on the other side of the couch with Dean's feet in her lap. She is actually watching TV, when Dean's phone beeps with an incoming message. 

**Kevin**   
I'm going to kill my roommate

That's the first message Dean gets from the kid, but he's not truly worried Kevin is going to resort to murder; Sam had said the same thing his first week. Living with someone isn't easy, even if you like each other. Dean and Sam are testaments to that. He has to admit his slight amusement at the sentiment too. He chuckles as he replies. 

**Dean**   
i was going to ask how you were, but it seems contemplating murder so i'm not gonna ask 

Dean waits barely a minute before a new message is flashing across his screen.

 **Kevin**   
I'm actually thinking mass homicide now. The girl across the hall is constantly partying

 **Kevin**   
Homework, Dean, I have homework. Doesn't she have homework too? 

Dean snorts again, glad the kid isn't here cause he'd be glaring at him. Although, Kevin looks pretty funny when he's annoyed. One thing Dean isn't sure about is why they're partying so early, and why Kevin's worrying about homework already when he started like two days ago.

 **Dean**   
how the hell does she party in a dorm room. yours is tiny

 **Dean**   
also why the hell do you have that much homework already it's the first week

Dean stares at the screen until Kevin replies.

 **Kevin**   
I don't know I don't go to them 

**Kevin**

My religion professor is a dick

Dean laughs again, and Jo looks over from the other side of the couch. "Who are you texting?" She squints at him. "Is it a girl?" 

That just makes Dean laugh harder. "Yes, cause I'm in the habit of texting girls, Jo." He shakes his head at her. "I'm texting Kevin," he tells her, because Jo isn't gonna leave him alone until she finds out what he's doing. He learned a long time ago hiding things from Jo is useless. He holds out his phone to show her, but of course she takes the opportunity to snatch it out of his hand and retreat to the armchair to read. Oh well, it's just Kevin, and he probably wants to talk to Jo too. Dean absently flips through channels as Jo reads the conversation and then starts typing. He rolls his head off the couch to look at her. "What are you doing?" 

"I'm saying hi, chill." Jo tells him, before tossing the phone back. He catches it deftly, and reads what she's sent.

 **Dean**   
Hi

 **Kevin**   
? 

Dean snorts again, apparently that's normal now with Kevin, even though he's not even here. He types into his phone whilst half hanging off the couch, head almost touching the floor and TV forgotten. 

**Dean**   
that was jo. she stole my phone

Ellen comes into the room from the kitchen. "Did you say you were talking to Kevin?" She eyes Dean half off the couch. "How old are you, Dean?" 

Dean doesn't reply, focusing on his phone and kicking his legs up on the back of the couch. Jo rolls her eyes. "Yeah, he's talking to Kevin. I said hi." 

Ellen sits down on the side of the couch Dean's legs aren't occupying. "Get your filthy boots off my couch, Dean Winchester. And ask Kevin when he's coming to dinner." 

Dean sighs, then uses his considerable height to rest the back of his ankles on the couch, boots now in the air, reading Kevin's next message, then texting him Ellen's message. 

**Kevin**   
Tell her I say hi back

 **Dean**   
ellen wants to know when you're coming for dinner

"He says hi back, J- oof!" Dean makes an undignified noise as Ellen knocks his feet off the couch, causing him to fall completely to the floor. It's no more then what he deserves for sassing Ellen, though. No way he was ever going to get away with that. She steals the remote from him for good measure and changes the channel. His phone beeps again.

 **Kevin**   
Excuse me, I don't know what you mean by dinner. Didn't you mean instant noodles at 2 am and pm? 

**Dean**   
i'm concerned. 4 days into college and you're already committing to the life. how much of a dick is this professor? 

**Kevin**   
He's actually really cool, just all about papers. 

Dean winces. Poor kid. Though he figures Kevin can handle papers a lot better then Dean himself. He vaguely recalls Sam taking a religion class and loving it, mostly for the papers. Hell, who knows, maybe Kevin has the same guy. He'll have to ask Sam who his professor was. 

Kevin shoots him another text before he can ask about the prof. 

**Kevin**   
I don't think I can get to dinner for a while, but if you want you could bring take out and hang

Dean tries to hide his surprise from the other two in the room; glad to see that they seem to be focused on the TV. Kevin wants to see him? Or maybe he just wants takeout. But he asked Dean. Dean must take too long to answer because another text comes in while he's thinking about this. 

**Kevin**   
If you want, I mean

Dean stares at his phone. Is Kevin . . . insecure? About Dean? He rushes to respond. 

**Dean**   
sounds fun, lid friday work for you? 

**Dean**   
*kid

When the next text comes in, absolute sunshine breaks out on Dean's face. Because apparently, whether he likes it or not, he has made friends with an eighteen year old college kid. And he thinks he's going to like it. 

**Kevin**   
Works great for me. And learn how to fucking text Dean. Please?

 

Dean has not learned to text by Friday, but he has not lost his ability to pick out take out. Honestly, the world is lucky for such gifts as his. Because as much as he wishes differently, Dean isn't a person that has gifts, not like Kevin or Sam. He's just a failure, and he will always be one. He hides behind a fancy car, a pretty face and sarcasm, but the truth is he's just a broken solider. That's the way his father, an ex-marine, had raised him. That's all that Dean knows how to do is follow orders. Didn't know how to be his own person. When John had died from alcohol poisoning when Dean was seventeen he didn't know what else to do but join the army. Didn't know what else to do but find someone else to give him orders, as soon as he graduated high school. He left Sammy with Bobby and fled. 

Sometimes Dean is still sure Sam hates him for that; for just up and leaving him after dad died. Of course, Dean had come back once he was discharged. But by then Sam had started college. They had seen each other on and off for the last couple years since then. And yeah, they're still close, they have to be. But there was a distance between them now, one that Dean desperately wants to cross but doesn't know how. Repairing relationships isn't something he's ever been good at. Having relationships is never been something he's good at. 

It's probably why he's so terrified to be friends with Kevin. It just isn't what he does. It would be easier to just leave before he fucks up this friendship. He considers just turning around, but he can't do that to the kid. He'll let Kevin decide when to leave him. 

Dean knocks on the door with one hand, balancing several boxes of takeout from his favorite diner on his raised knee. There's no response. Dean sighs, titling his left wrist up to peer at his watch, and it's a little past eight, the time they agreed. "Kevin?" He calls, pushing on the door with his shoulder. Apparently it isn't locked cause it opens under his shoulder causing Dean to stumble in to the room, his leg giving a painful throb as he catches himself and the take out on Kevin's bed.

Despite the loud clamor Dean makes, Kevin doesn't lift his head from where it's resting on the desk under the window. Prince Harrington is nowhere in sight but his side of the room is much more decorated than Kevin's; shiny new laptop on the desk and posters on the wall. Kevin has his face buried in what looks like a biology text book, looks like he's taking a late evening nap. 

Righting the takeout, Dean creeps over to Kevin, poking him in the arm. "Dude, wake up." Kevin shoots up, looking around slightly panicked until he sees it's Dean. He sighs while running a hand through his hair. 

"Hey, Dean." He smiles, but there are dark bags under his eyes and he looks tired. Dean frowns at him in concern, gently knocking their shoulders together. 

"Hey, you okay, kid?" He asks, sitting back on the bed. "You've only been in college a couple weeks, is it that bad?" He hadn't remembered Sam like this at the beginning, only chattering about his friends and professors. 

Kevin sighs, seeming to droop from the brief relief Dean's presence had brought him. "It's just been a big culture shock. It's different than high school; easier in some ways, but harder in others. Plus, I haven't been in school for a year, I took a gap year and to help recover from that, I took a ton of classes this semester. It's hard to go from zero to a hundred like that, but I need to catch up. Professor Novak, my religion professor, has been really good about helping. It's still been tough though." 

"Hey," Dean leans closer to his friend, putting his hands on Kevin's shoulders and looking at him hard until Kevin looks back. "You don't have to take a bunch of classes and work yourself to death trying to catch up or whatever. From what I've seen, you're already better then a lot of people here. And priority number one is taking care of yourself." Kevin lowers his eyes, trying to get away from Dean's earnest gaze. I'ts rare from him, he knows, but he doesn't let him get away, ducking his head to catch the other's eyes again. "Got that?" When Kevin nods he continues, "Take care of yourself first. Go out and make some friends; study, but not too hard." 

Dean pulls back from the moment but he knows he's made an impression. Good, maybe Kevin would learn what Dean never had; to be able to put himself first sometimes. Kevin glances over to the food at the end of the bed and perks up. "That for me?" 

The Winchester rolls his eyes. "It's not all for you. We're sharing. Come on, movie time." 

"I don't have-" Kevin protests, but Dean waves him off by pulling his laptop out of his bag and scooting over next to the wall. 

"C'mere." He pats the admittedly small space beside him. He frowns at it a bit. Dean swears dorm beds are smaller than regular twin beds, but maybe that's just because Dean's pretty big to fit in a twin at all. 

It's Kevin's turn to roll his eyes as he snags the bags of food and plops on to the bed right next to Dean, shoulder to shoulder. "You sound like some sleazy guy in a bar, I hope you know that." 

Dean grins at him foxishly, opening the laptop and setting it up as Kevin pulls out the fried chicken sandwiches, wings, onion rings, and even a small side salad. He holds it up for Dean's inspection. "Did you actually get a salad? I didn't see you eat one green thing the entire time I was at your house." 

Dean shrugs. "I didn't know if you liked salad. I can be considerate sometimes, you know." 

"Yeah, sure you can." Kevin jokes back at him, passing Dean a sandwich and wings, and keeping one sandwich for himself as well as the salad. They balance the laptop across their laps, and Dean sticks the carton of onion rings on the headboard. Kevin eyes it warily. "If we end up with onion hair, I'm blaming you." 

"I think you'd look quite ravishing with onion hair," Dean tells him, "Now, what do you want to watch?" 

Kevin says something through a mouthful of food that Dean concludes to mean "I don't care," which is of course not helpful at all. Dean glares at him until the kid swallows and sighs. "I dunno, man."

"Have you ever seen Witness?" Dean asks him. At Kevin's shake of the head Dean gasps dramatically. "C'mon! Harrison Ford!" 

"I've seen Star Wars, but that's it." Kevin mumbles and Dean looks stricken. 

He pats the kid's head. "Never fear, we are going to watch as many Harrison Ford movies as we can." 

Kevin rolls his eyes, but they start Witness, crunching through the food. They're pretty far in when Dean reaches up to get a onion ring, and the last of them go raining down on Kevin's head, which prompts him to throw them at Dean and yell "I told you so!"

Dean starts laughing over the sound of the movie, grinning at a flushed Kevin with onion hair. He's covered in them too, though he can't find it in him to care. Kevin tackles him, the laptop sliding off their knees. There's food everywhere and the movie is forgotten. God, he is a twenty-eight year old man he needs to get a grip. 

However, looking over the two of them, and the bed, Dean grins at Kevin while ruffling his hair. "Your bed, dude." 

Kevin growls and points a finger in Dean's face, even though he is already right on top of the older man. "You're helping me clean this up." Kevin is struggling to keep a stern face and not laugh, but when an onion ring fall off his head onto Dean's chest he starts laughing his head off. It's not even that funny, Dean knows as Kevin collapses onto his chest and Dean holds on to Kevin's sides as he laughs too. But he's been stressed, and he knows Kevin has too, clearly working himself too hard for some reason. Even though he took a gap year, Kevin must have graduated a year early if he's only eighteen now. Which means he had been doing a lot better then most. So why is Kevin stressing and working so hard? 

Dean resolves to ask sometime, but for now he lets Kevin laugh and he lets himself go a little bit too, the both of them covered in onion rings.


	3. Far and Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, I've been having trouble with this chapter and I still don't know how I feel about it. Fair warning, Dean is very angsty in this chapter

Hanging out with a college kid is less partying and more stopping mental break downs then people seem to think. Dean makes it a point to hang out with Kevin at least one night a week now, and this may be his steadiest relationship with someone he's not related to. Ironic that it's not a romantic one. He's glad he does though, it seems to help Kevin, despite Dean's pep talk he still isn't really making too many friends. 

"Like I get not hanging with dickwad over there," Dean says one night mid October, gesturing with a forkful of noodles at Harrington's bed "But haven't you talked to anyone in class?" Harry had been generally unpleasant to Kevin, didn't clean up after himself, and pretty much ignored Kevin when he wasn't making snarky remarks about his clothes. Dean does not like Harry at all, despite having never met the boy. 

Kevin sighs, and pointedly doesn't look at where Dean is spilling noodles on hisbed, focusing on the notebook in front of him, idling chewing on his pen. "It's not that easy to make friends, Dean. I talk to people sure, but it's more like, 'Can I borrow a pen' and less 'Wanna hang out in my room?'." He takes the pen out of his mouth and doodles something at the edge of his paper as he continues. "I just don't feel close to anyone, I've always been this way. Besides, I hang out with you in most of my free time." 

Dean feels a sharp pang of guilt at that. Hell, he knows he should stop forcing his presence on people, but he thought this was helping Kevin. It's helping Dean, more then he cares to think about. The truth is, Kevin should be out hanging with people his own age, students that could relate to homework struggles and help him with those things. He should be seeing a pretty girl or a cute boy, he's all of eighteen and hanging out with a veteran. 

"Exactly," Dean says, trying to steer the conversation where he wants it to go, "You shouldn't be hanging out with this old guy all the time. Hell, I can't even help with essay writing, I'm practically worthless." 

Kevin looks fully away from his notebook for the first time that evening. "You're not worthless." He's gaze is intent and intimidating and Dean isn't ready for this, can't handle this, having someone believe in him again. It's just going to be that much worse when he disappoints him. Kevin can't get attached.

And neither can Dean.

"I said practically," Dean says, laughing it off, slurping up some more noodles from his pai thai. He goes along with the joking before Kevin can say something about how great Dean is, or some such bullshit. "Are you eating lo mein?"

Kevin looks down at his carton of noodles, temporally forgetting what he was saying. "Wha- Dean stop trying to avoid the point." 

Unfortunately for Kevin, but luckily for Dean, he is a master at avoiding the point. "This is much more important. Pai thai is far superior to lo mein. I can't believe you're eating it."

Unfortunately for Dean, but luckily for Kevin, Kevin is far better then Dean reckoned on staying on the point. He leans forward, places his hand on Dean's arm, not forcefully, just grounding, holding his elbow. Dean's reminded of the first night he came over, hands on Kevin's shoulders, and eyes locked together. Kevin is using his own tactics on him. That motherfucker. 

"Dean," Kevin says, and it's quiet and sincere, and Dean can't fucking bear it right now. He can't look in Kevin's dark eyes and see the trust and compassion there, not now, not ever. He doesn't deserve that. He can't be the person Kevin needs. Kevin needs to learn to deal without Dean. Everyone else has.

So Dean puts his hand over Kevin's on his arm. He drops his eyes because Dean can't look in Kevin's as he speaks. "Not now. Please, not now." 

Kevin must understand Dean is close to breaking, that he can't hear that someone thinks he's worth anything right now. There are walls in Dean's mind, and Kevin is getting far too close. He has to warn him before he lashes out and hurts him. He has to get Kevin to leave first, get him to depend less and less. Dean knew this would happen if he got close to someone. It's barely been a month and they're already clinging to each other in a way that just doesn't make sense. 

He pulls away from Dean, awkwardly tugging his long sleeves over his hands, turning away, and Dean knows he's already hurt the kid. He has to ease away so Kevin doesn't get him too hurt. Once Kevin has some real friends he won't cling to Dean so much and Dean can leave and not worry about anyone breaking down the walls around his mind.

Kevin sighs, before saying, "Hey, I'm done with this paper, do you want to watch a movie?" 

Dean smiles gratefully, glad he's dropping it. "Hell yeah, get over here. You haven't watched any of the Indiana Jones movies yet." He swings his legs back on to the bed getting into the now familiar position squashed against the wall, waiting for Kevin's warm weight to press against him. He tries to resist smiling at the feeling. 

**Don't get too close** a voice in his head cautions, but if he's going to get Kevin to leave him, he at least is letting himself have this. Kevin snorts but says no more as he settles at Dean's side. Dean has his arm resting on the headboard and Kevin takes full advantage of this, curling under the arm so Dean almost has his arm around the younger man. 

It's just a tiny bit closer then they've been before, Dean is comforted by it, happily settling to watch the movie.

 

Ellen invites Kevin to Sunday dinner that week, and Dean plans to enlist the help of his family to convince Kevin to get real friends. If he can just get the idea from someone who isn't Dean in Kevin's head, maybe the kid will start making friends and forget about Dean. Dean can't help but hope he won't forget completely, that they can still be friends. Dean just can't stand getting close to someone that's not Sam. It's easiest to protect himself from the dreams he gets at night, the memories of fighting, and further back, of his own father's harsh words and disappointed looks. 

John Winchester never laid a finger on his sons, but they still have scars. Dean had tried to protect Sam from the worst of them, but Sam had always been stronger then Dean, rebelling and taking the yelling and guilt trips. Sam is Dean's hero, he had separated himself from all of that, gotten away once Dad was gone, not letting the ghosts of his past stick around. 

But Dean couldn't, much as he hated his father he had loved him too, how could he not? The man had raised him, had made Dean into everything that he was. So he had done what he knew his father would have wanted. A deep part of Dean is still terrified that he was just like his father under it all, and if he was, he was getting the fuck away from Sam. 

So having someone close just wasn't an option. The only one he had talked with about his time in the army was Sam. And Kevin makes him want to open up, like some part of him can heal Dean. Parts that Sam and Jo, Bobby and Ellen have tried to touch, to help but Dean won't let them close. Because he doesn't think he deserves it, didn't deserve to heal, to be fixed. He shouldn't ever think he's worth more then a solider, someone to follow orders and nothing more. Because he doesn't deserve to be worth something, and people like Kevin who make him feel good enough, like he was helping are too good for him, and he doesn't deserve to feel that way. So he has to let them go. 

The only one he'd ever let near the walls was Sam. Sam's the only one delusional enough to keep coming back, to keep believing in Dean and Dean hasn't been able to convince him other wise. And Dean's selfish, so he lets Sam stay. 

But not Kevin, never Kevin. He doesn't need to be tainted like that. So tonight they were going to convince him to talk to someone, to go somewhere.

Away from Dean. Far away. 

Jo is frowning at Dean from where she sits on his bed while he's buttoning his shirt up. He's actually dressing up some what for Sunday dinner. Dressing up being a light blue button up and a pair of jeans that are . . . decent? 

"Why are you frowning at me like that, Jo-Jo?" Dean asks, frowning back at her, because really she's the one who walked into his room to start a conversation, Dean did not ask for this.

She glares at him, kicking the back of his leg. "Don't call me that, Dean." She messes with her hair, like she's nervous. "Why are you so eager to have Kevin make friends? We've texted some, and he says he's getting on fine. He's got you, and the rest of us. Maybe he's just shy, it's barely been a month, give him time to make friends." 

"It's been more then a month, Jo." Dean sighs, turning to look at her leaning absently against his dresser. "Sam was surrounded by his second day." He shakes his head as he looks to the side. "I never went to college, but I bonded with people in basic training. I don't understand it, Kevin is a great kid." 

"Well not everyone makes friends just like that." Jo says hotly, and Dean can tell he's struck a nerve, is reminded he's not the only one in this family with problems.

He tries to save himself, and only digs his hole deeper. "I know that, Jo, but I don't want him to rely on me. It's not going to end well." Dean's voice drops on the last words, lowering his eyes, trying not to think about the people who had relied on him. How someone of them were broken, and some of them were dead. 

Jo stands, and gives him a scorching look. "I didn't make any friends in college, Dean. Not a one." And he's surprised for a moment they're back to this, but he can tell she's trying to make a point, so he shuts up and let's her speak. 

"I was just the weird girl with a knife collection. My roommate used to spread rumors about me, and the only people who talked to me were douchebags who thought I was so desperate for attention I would spread my legs and take it." 

She's up close now, right in his face and Dean feels like an asshole. But it's the most she's ever opened up about college to him so he let's her say her piece, knows she probably needs to rant as much as he does. "You don't know what it's like, Dean, being a eighteen year old girl desperate for friends, hearing people whisper about the cute blonde, with small tits but at least she's probably pretty easy." 

"Jo-" Dean says, reaching for her arm, but she jerks it away.

"I would have given anything to have someone care about me the way you care about Kevin back then and if you try to walk away because you're too scared to open up to someone, then fuck you, Dean Winchester. Fuck you." Jo doesn't run out of the room, but the way she walks, her back straight as a rod he can tell how pissed she is.

Dean feels a sudden and unexpected flare of anger. Not at Jo exactly, he knows how bad her one year of college was, how it's still a sore point, and maybe Kevin reminds her of herself. But she only knows the barest tip of the iceberg about his feelings, how he failed to protect Sam, from their father. How a man died on his watch. She doesn't have a fucking right to be angry with him.

Jo doesn't get that Dean is toxic and Kevin needs something else. Someone else. Jo can be his mentor. Dean can't, and it isn't even about how he helps Kevin anymore, it's that he's scared Kevin could help him. Dean slumps to the floor in despair. 

Dinner is awkward as Dean knows it's going to be, and he can see the hurt in Kevin's eyes when Dean insists about making friends. He leaves still looking hurt. Jo's refusal to talk to Dean for a few days further pushes the point home that he's messed up, and the people he cares about are hurt, and angry. 

 

Dean has always hated Halloween. That might be because John never let them trick or treat, insisting there were crazy people out and about. When he got older there were parties, but after the initial "Fuck this is awesome" those really weren't much more fun then regular parties, except you had to dress up and there were an insane amount of jello shots. Dean doesn't even like jello shots.

It's been too weeks since the Sunday dinner with Kevin and they haven't hung out since. They've texted some, but Dean says he's busy, and he can tell Kevin's replies have been distant, guarded. He tells himself it's for the best. It is. 

He has no idea what Kevin is doing right now and he's kinda stupid for thinking about it when he's trying to pull away from the kid. Sam had stories from the few college Halloween parties he had been dragged to and honestly drunk college kids scare Dean. He wasn't all young and wild at that age, he was drilling and training, trying to make his father's ghost proud. 

To be perfectly honest he had probably failed. But Dean hopes Kevin isn't getting into too much trouble

He's missing Kevin too, even though he knows he made the right call despite how hurt he knows Kevin is. Part of Dean is telling him he's an idiot, pushing someone who cared about him, who needed him, away. He had been helping Kevin, even if it was only a little and pushing him away was selfish. The other, darker part of Dean tells him that it was a good thing. He had been feeling better, happier with the kid as his friend, and Dean didn't deserve to feel that way. The depression he resolutely ignored flared up bright and dark without Kevin's smiles and presence, and his uncanny ability to call Dean out on his bullshit.

He doesn't deserved get better, to feel okay, not after everything. And Kevin would have left him anyway. It's for the best. 

That's what he tells himself at least, while sitting out in the junkyard at twelve a.m. Halloween night, deciding whether he needs one or two bottles of the hard stuff to numb his mind as he tries to do when he thinks about all his problems and how he only adds to them. It's lucky Sam, or god, Kevin isn't here cause they both would drag his ass up and to a fucking shrink. Not that Sam hasn't tried before. 

Dean has only taken a couple swallows of whiskey when his phone starts ringing. He immediately pulls it out to see who's calling because late as it is, something must have happened. His heart clenches when he sees the name Kevin across the caller ID. Fuck, what if he was hurt? Dean would kick himself if something had happened to him. Why had he pushed the kid away like the fucking idiot he was? 

"Hello?" Dean askes, his voice rough with worry. "Kev, buddy, what's going on?" 

The voice that answers is most certainly not Kevin, and distinctly feminine. "Hey, um, is this Dean?" 

What the hell? Dean pulls his phone away from his ear to check that it is indeed from Kevin's number. Yep. He brings it back to his ear with building horror. What if Kevin's in a hospital? What if he's hurt? 

"Um, are you still there?" The girl asks in his ear, and Dean hurries to reply. 

"Uh, yeah, yeah this is Dean. Who is this? Is Kevin alright?" He asks all in a rush. Maybe Kevin's fine. Maybe this is just a friend, or date. That's calling Dean. For some reason. He closes his eyes and rubs his temple. Fuck. 

"Oh! Great." The girl says, sounding worried and confused. "I'm Charlie, and I um, met Kevin at this Halloween party. He's pretty trashed, and I don't have a way to take him home, and no one here seems to know him, so I thought I'd call someone to pick him up, but there's only like, five contacts in this kid's phone. Five. And two of those are takeout places, one is a auto shop, thought I have no idea why he'd need an auto shop since he told me he doesn't have a-" 

Dean has to interrupt there though, so he doesn't hear what Kevin doesn't have, though he assumes she was going to say car. "Look, Charlie, I appreciate the rundown, but is he okay? Did you give him water? Is he throwing up? I doubt he's gotten drunk before, he's eight fucking teen." Yeah, so this was the kind of fun Dean had implied Kevin should get up to but he was hoping it wouldn't be that much fun. Also, who had he gone to the party with? You don't go to parties by yourself, that shit was dangerous. 

Charlie sounds embarrassed and Dean feels bad for her, she really is being quite kind by calling him to get Kevin, he shouldn't be hard on her, but he's worried about Kevin. "Oh, sorry yeah, I got him water, and we're in an empty bathroom right now." She pauses, as though checking something, or maybe just thinking. "He's on the floor hugging the bathtub asking where the mermaids are. I think he's okay. Anyway, it was you or his mom I could call, and even though I have no idea who you were I thought you'd be best. Are you his friend, can you come get him?" 

He answers right away, not even thinking, already standing up and heading to the car. "Yeah, I'm his friend." Although he hadn't been very much of that lately, if Kevin was laying on a floor trashed at some party, without anyone there watching his back. Well, he had Charlie now. Dean was grateful for her, she sounded really sweet, caring for the kid like that and finding someone to take him home. "I can come get him, what's the address?" 

She rattles it off, and Dean gets into Baby, already starting the ignition. "I know this is a lot to ask, but do you think you can stay with him just til I get there? It shouldn't be more then twenty minutes." 

"Of course! It's no problem, I'm just happy he has someone, seems pretty lonely here. See ya." Charlie hangs up, and Dean heads out. 

 

He pulls up to a fairly normal apartment building, he can hear music as he approaches on foot. It's not so loud that they'll get noise complaints though, and besides, these type of buildings are full of college kids, so they're probably all at the party. Dean makes a face as he hurries into the building and up the stairs. Parties like this were never his scene, he much preferred bars. There were less kids that were barely old enough to vote (and some of them couldn't even do that). 

And people could hold their alcohol better, he noted as a kid dressed as a roman centurion bursts out of the apartment he was headed for, crashing into Dean. "Woah, you okay there?" 

The kid hugs Dean awkwardly, "Nice t'see ya," He tells Dean then stumbles off. Dean would probably go after him, but he has to find Kevin. A redhead chick comes out and runs after the centurion so hopefully she's a little more sober. Dean enters the apartment the two twenty somethings had come out of, looking around, wincing at the flashing lights. College, man. 

There's a bunch of college kids, dancing, drinking, laughing and kissing in the apartment building, all dressed up in costumes. Dean feels weird, he's at least five years older then everyone here, and he's wasn't exactly prepared. The people are far too drunk to care though, a couple people call out to Dean offering him drinks but no one stops him as he heads to the back of the apartment. There's several doors that could be a bathroom and quite frankly Dean does not want to walk in on someone doing it. 

"Hey, do you know where I could find a girl named Charlie?" He askes a girl dressed as Poison Ivy, and Dean totally approves. "She said she was in a bathroom." 

The girl laughs, "Well you've got plans, don't cha?" She grins at him and she has a nice smile so Dean lets himself smile back. "Where's your costume, pretty boy?" 

"Not the kind you mean, here to pick up a friend. No costume, but they still let me in." He tells her. 

Poison Ivy nods, and points to a door. "Char's in the master bath with some kid who was pretty drunk. It's through there." 

"Thanks," Dean calls over his shoulder as he pushing open the door into the room. There's a couple girls on the bed but they're fully dressed and Dean knocks on the bathroom door. "Charlie? It's Dean." 

The door is pulled open by a red haired girl Dean presumes is Charlie who is dressed like Han Solo. "Dean!" She says, grabbing his arm like she's known him forever pulling him into the bathroom. "I'm glad you're here, he's pretty out of it." She nods to Kevin, who is dressed as- is that Indiana Jones? Dean feels a flash of pride, smiling a little at the kid, who is laying in the bathtub. 

"I got here as soon as I could." Dean goes over to the tub and kneels next to Kevin's head. "Hey kid, what's up?" 

Kevin giggles, reaching out and grabbing Dean's hand. "Dean." He says, almost in the same tone as Charlie though they have actually known each other for a while. "I was just talking about you." He tells Dean. 

The older man cocks he's head at Charlie. "Were you?" The question is more for Charlie then Kevin. 

She must recognize this as she nods and laughs. "I was asking him about you. Said you were the one who showed him Indiana Jones." 

"Yep." Dean says, returning his attention to Kevin. "You can't be Indy by the way, kid, I'm totally Indy." 

Kevin pouts and Dean laughs both because his expression is amusing and because he's never seen Kevin pout before. "Who am I then?" 

"Marion." Dean says without a beat, causing Charlie to burst into giggles and Kevin to let out a indignat shout. Dean hauls him to his feet and out of the bath, and Kevin stumbles a little, righting himself against Dean.

Kevin pouts. "Why am I Marion? You look more like a girl." Dean glares, but Charlie is dying in the corner. It's nice to see Kevin stress free even though it's the alcohol doing it. He's a lot louder and more giggly as a drunk. Dean's just grateful he's a happy drunk.

"I'm going to ignore that comment on account of the fact you're intoxicated." Dean tells him. "I don't know how you got yourself into this mess, but I'm going to take you home. And hopefully you won't be too hung over to tell me what this was all about in the morning." 

He turns to Charlie. "Thanks for staying with him, but I better get him home." 

She nods, sobering. "Can you call me tomorrow to tell me he's alright? I put my number in his phone." 

Dean agrees, and thanks her again, hurrying Kevin out of the apartment. When they get to the Impala, Kevin smiles and pats her hood, which just makes Dean smile too. They're gonna need to talk about Kevin going to a party and getting stupid drunk tomorrow, but Kevin looks so happy that Dean aches to make him look like that sober. 

They get into the car, and start driving. Kevin is mostly quiet, half asleep against the window, and Dean's mind turns to his own worries. Sure, some fun was what he had hoped Kevin would have without him, but going to a party where apparently he knew no one that would make sure he got home safely? Dean's worried. And he hopes Kevin hasn't been too influenced by Dean with all the drinking. It reminds him why he had tried to ease away from Kevin. But it doesn't seem like Kevin is better without him. Maybe as fucked up as Dean is, he's helping the kid. Maybe they can help each other. 

Dean shakes his head to clear it as they pull into a parking spot in from of Kevin's dorms. They can talk in the morning. He helps Kevin out of the car and starts up the stairs. Kevin is almost completely asleep now, so he doesn't protest when Dean half carries him up the stairs, fishes his key out of his pocket and unlocks the dorm room. Harry is no where to be found, for which Dean is grateful.

He deposits Kevin on his bed. Kevin makes a small sound but then curls in to himself, snorting a little before settling into sleep. Dean snorts, grabbing a couple blankets from the foot of Kevin's bed and settling on the floor. He doesn't have to stay, but he wants to make sure Kevin has someone when he wakes up. Dean's been gone for while, tried to run away, and that didn't work out for either of them. 

For now, he's staying by Kevin's side. It's his last thought as he falls asleep.


	4. Hit close to home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains homophobic language. It is not spoken by anyone important, and it's brief but if it makes you uncomfortable feel free to skip.  
> This chapter is shorter then normal, cause I wanted to get it out, and it felt like a more natural stopping point. I hope to post more regularly in April. Onto the story!

Dean is awaked rudely by someone tripping over him. He grunts as said person lands on the floor, half on top of him. Dean has been fallen on many times in his life and he's a big enough person that unless it's Sam, he probably isn't going to get too injured. That doesn't mean he likes it though, especially at this time of the morning. He's not exactly sure **what** time of the morning it is, he was out late rescuing Kevin, and besides, is there really an appropriate time in the morning to be fallen on? 

"Fuck," Swears a person that isn't Dean and certainly isn't Kevin, who Dean can see from the angle of his sore neck is snoring and drooling into his pillow. Dean sits up and eyes the kid that is laying across his legs groaning and cradling his head, leading Dean to believe there's probably worse wrong with the guy then tripping over Dean. 

The kid- who is probably Prince Harrington, Dean reasons- crawls off Dean and turns to glare at him. "Who the hell are you?" It's a fair question, so even in his sleepy dislike of the boy, Dean manages to reply with a grunt of his name. 

If the name means anything to Harry, he doesn't show it just continues to look at Dean like he's an especially unpleasant piece of unidentifiable food you find in the back of your fridge. This mind set is evident in his tone. "And? What the hell are you doing in my dorm room?"

Dean's getting a little pissed off, this guy is being a bit of a jerk, and while he understands it's probably weird to come home and find someone lying on your floor, you don't have to be a douche about it. "I'm Kevin's friend. I brought him home last night." Dean says, and he gestors vaguely to where Kevin is asleep, because it's fairly probable that Harry doesn't know Kevin's name. 

"Right . . ." Harry says, rolling his eyes, still looking at Dean weirdly. He stands, and Dean stands too, pleased to see he's about six inches taller, and is able to loom over him. Harry isn't daunted though, just raises his eye brows, and says with an undertone of disgust: "You his boyfriend or something?" He jesters at Kevin with a curt jerk of his chin.

Dear lord, Harry's reactions are starting to make sense. He's a homophobic asshole. Awesome. Dean has no idea if Kevin is queer, but if he is, or even if Harry things he is, things could get ugly fast. Dean wonders if Kevin can get a new roommate. To Harry he says, "I'm his friend, I just told you that. We're not dating." He doesn't point out he's ten years older then Kevin or why the hell Kevin would date someone like Dean anyway, he suspects it would fall on deaf ears.

Harry narrows his eyes and Dean has a feeling he's not going to like whatever Harry says next. Dean is unfortantly, right, as Harry steps back shrugging. "Well good, I'm not sharing a room with a faggot." 

Dean doesn't realize he's moving before he slams Harry into the wall. "Listen here you little fucker," He hisses, half worried he's going to wake Kevin, because he doesn't want Kevin to see Dean punch someone, and if Harry opens his mouth again that's probably going to happen. 

Harry doesn't, and he looks a little scared but mostly pissed. Dean grinds his teeth together, and speaks very quietly and clearly. "I get that you're an ignorant, insecure, mother fucker, that's too scared to educate himself, but you don't ever use that word, you understand me?" 

Harry just glares. "Why do you care, asshole? You trying to protect your faggoty boyfriend?" 

Dean punches him. He can't help it, he had trouble coming to terms with his own bisexuality, his father was no help in that matter. He can remember several times his father calling him that very thing. It's a trigger word for him and hearing it directed at Kevin is too painful for him, he can't take it, let alone from this punk, who has already mistreated Kevin so much. Dean's not letting that happen, he cares about Kevin too much. 

Harry crumples from the one good punch to the nose, blood spurting freely. Kevin startles awake, staring at the scene in shock and horror. "Dean???" He asks, startled and scared looking. 

Dean feels the guilt crashing down on him. Maybe now Kevin will realize what poison he is. He hadn't even thought, just punched the asshole. And maybe his reasons had been justified, but he was still speaking with his fists and not with his voice. At least maybe Kevin would understand why Dean needed to cut ties. 

Kevin stands up, a little wobbly looking, and blurry eyed, squinting against the sun, looking from Dean's bruised knuckles, and Harry on the floor clutching his bleeding nose. His eyes find Dean's, question filled. "What happened?" He says in a whisper 

"Your fucking boyfriend, punched me, that's what happened!" Harry yells, causing Kevin to flinch at the volume. 

Dean steps toward Kevin against his better judgement. "I punched him, but only because of what he was saying."

Kevin looks at Dean with almost heartbreaking trust in his eyes. He looks hungover, still not used to the state, unsure in his own skin with this strange scene, and Dean is the first person he turns to. "What did he say?" 

Dean swallows. "He thinks we're dating, since I brought you home and passed out on the floor in case you needed help in the morning. He's apparently homophobic." 

Despite his state, Kevin picks up fairly quickly, "Oh," he says, eyes widening, looking almost scared. He clings to Dean's arm, and turns to Harry. He steps over carefully, trying to offer Harry some thing for his nose but the other boy stands, glaring at Kevin. He's clutching his nose, but because of the close quarters Dean hadn't been able to draw back his fist enough to punch Harry properly. 

"You're fucking psychos, both of you." Harry says, before walking quickly out of the room. 

Dean cleans his throat, shuffling on his feet, he has no idea what to say. But Kevin as usual knows what to do, how to handle Dean, though Dean can't handle himself. He starts to grab some clothes from the drawers under the bed, then stands up with them bunched into his arms.

"I'm going to take a shower, and then we're going to talk." Kevin says, in a no nonsense tone that Dean knows not to question. He's already wrapped around the kid's little finger. 

Dean nods, a little and Kevin turns to go, before stopping and fixing Dean with a penetrating glare. "And so help me, Dean Winchester, if you are not here when I get back," He pauses threating, "I'm not sure what I'll do yet, but it's not going to be good." 

He nods a little harder this time, and Kevin seems satisfied, walking out. Kevin hadn't even had to raise his voice, could spare his own head, all it took was that honest face and Dean was lost. Fuck, he's not like this, he's not supposed to be like this, not supposed to listen or stay and talk. He had been trying to run from Kevin for this reason, they were already attached, Dean would disappoint him. And Dean could tell he had. 

And yet, yet Kevin wasn't leaving, he was just asking, or telling Dean to stay put while he gathered himself, the poor kid was hung over for God's sake. But he still wanted to talk, to listen, to hear Dean's side, and not assume the worst about him. It strikes Dean that maybe he's misjudged Kevin, that maybe Kevin can handle this, can handle him. 

But even if he can't, Kevin is trying, trying while Dean had been so sure it wouldn't work he was giving up on his friend and himself before even trying. Kevin is good for him. 

**And what if you aren't good for him?** The thought creeps into Dean's head unbidden. But Kevin doesn't seem more fucked up the more he spends time with Dean, he seems to open up more, be more confidedant. If Dean starts to break something, he'll leave, but until then, he has to start trusting Kevin.

 

An hour later they're sitting in one of those cutesy little campus cafés. Sam used to work in one, and Dean doesn't know how he stood it, all the overpriced coffee and fancy breakfast food. What is a soufflé? How do you pronounce it? 

Dean's really only thinking about those thinks sort of absently, he's more focused on Kevin, and what he's going to say once he's had enough coffee and the ibproufane has started working enough to combat his hang over. He hadn't said much on the way over, just directed Dean to this place when Dean asked for a breakfast place. Granted, Dean didn't mean a "fancy café with fucking patterns drawn in the coffee", but he kind of figures this isn't the best time to argue about girly coffee.

"I've never actually been here before," Kevin says, as some odd way of breaking the silence, but Dean doesn't have anything better. "Prof Novak just raves about it." Dean wants to ask if Professor Novak is a sixteen year old hipster, but resists. His lack of a reply though just makes Kevin sigh and look at Dean tiredly, dark circles under his eyes. "Dean, what happened?" 

Dean wants to heave a sigh of his own at that, but manages not to. "I was angry, and I did something I shouldn't have." 

His companion looks at him with concern. "You said he said something to you? What was it? I don't think you're the kind of person that just punches people who don't deserve it, and Harry's an asshole anyway. What did he do?" 

Dean swallows, looking away across the café. "He said something douchey about us. About you. I overreacted. I shouldn't have punched him but I don't let people say that. I didn't with full grown men in the army, and I wasn't about to let a punk ass kid say that about you." 

Dean can remember that word being tossed around in the army. Not so much from the female soldiers, but the men Dean spent in basic training with, and the people he shared a tent with had used it plenty. He probably would have done better to duck his head and pretend not to care about the degrading terms they used for queer people and women. But Dean had been raised to respect women at least from his father, and learned respecting everyone from Bobby, Ellen, Sam and his teachers. 

He had realized he was bisexual early in highschool. He hadn't been out though, John would probably have had a heart attack and Dean wasn't secure enough in who he was to tell anyone. It wasn't until Sam too had come out as bi that Dean was able to man up and own up to who he was, and protect both Sam's and his own right to be who he was. He got plently of bruised knuckles from punching people who said the same things Harry had to him or Sam. 

It doesn't matter all that much if Kevin really likes guys or not, Dean isn't going to let anyone use a degrading term for him, for anything about him. He's glad Kevin hadn't heard what Harry had said. 

Kevin is looking at him like he understands now, he looks a little worried, but almost proud of Dean too. "You were protecting me." He realizes looking almost, like he doesn't think anyone would want to protect him. It almost breaks Dean's heart. How can Kevin not know how amazing he is, how much he's worth? How much Dean cares about him already? 

"Yeah," Dean says a little gruffly. 

Kevin has a look of realization. "You said Harry thought we were dating. Which means he thinks I'm gay, and he said" Kevin's eyes go worried, and Dean is thankful again that he was spared hearing the hateful word pass Harry's lips. "Oh." 

"Yeah," Dean replies again, because apparently that's what his vocabulary is reduced to right now. Kevin stands up in a startling movement, and comes over to Dean's side of the table, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders, not saying anything just holding him for a beat, two, and pulling away, and going to sit back down. 

"Thanks," He mutters, stirring his coffee, now he's the one avoiding Dean's gaze, not the other way around. "I though you didn't want anything to do with me after we stopped talking. I thought you didn't want to be friends. But you came to get me last night, and you defended me this morning. Does this mean you're going to stay this time?" Kevin asks, looking up from the coffee and holding Dean prisoner in those dark eyes. 

"Kevin," Dean hedges, pulling his gaze away, down to his own coffee. "I'm not good at this whole friendship thing, never have been. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you."

Kevin sighs, but smiles a little too. "That's the thing about friendship, Dean. It's a two way street. It's not all on you to make sure I don't get hurt. Being a friend is being there, that's all I need from you Dean, being there, and I'll be there for you." He looks down again, almost shy. "You're the best friend I've ever had, and I want to make our friendship work, you just have to promise not to leave." 

Dean's heart clenches at that. He's been a bad friend, and he doesn't want to be, he wants to make this work, to be there. Dean levels his gaze on Kevin, standing up and offering his hand for a shake. "I want to be there. I will be there." 

Kevin stands too, and takes his hand. They shake and Dean pulls Kevin into his arms, right where he's supposed to be.


	5. Swinging for the Fences

"Your phone's ringing." 

Dean groans, and tries to ignore Kevin in favor of sleeping more. Kevin's bed isn't even that comfortable, and Dean's legs fall off the end, but he's tired and Kevin has homework. 

"Dean." Kevin throws a pencil at him, and Dean sort of kicks out with one of his feet, which would be a lot more effective if Kevin weren't sitting by the window. Dean's phone, blessedly, choses that moment to stop ringing, and Dean buries his face back into Kevin's pillow. The other sighs a little, but then there's the sound of a pencil scratching at paper and Kevin's absent humming to lull Dean back to sleep. 

He's almost there when his phone starts ringing again. "Dean!" Kevin says with exasperation. 

He pulls himself to his elbows, squinting at Kevin. "Who the hell is it?" 

Kevin peers at the screen. "Chewbacca?" He asks, staring at Dean. "Who did you put in your phone as Chewbacca of all things? 

"Oh hell." Dean mutters, making grabby hands for the phone til Kevin hands it over, still glaring at him. Dean hits answer, and barks, "What," into the phone. 

Sam does not sound amused. "Really, Dean? Really? Your only brother calls you and that's how you answer?" 

"What, bitch?" He amends. Dean loves Sam, he does, but he was getting a nice nap in and hanging out with Kevin, and they're watching Die Hard and Die Hard 2 later, so if this is going to be a long phone call, now is not the time. He's trying to figure out this whole friendship thing, and hopefully he doesn't spend all of it on the phone with his brother.

"Jerk." Sam replies good-naturedly enough. Kevin's giving him weird looks, but before Dean can explain, Sam continues. "Dean, I hate to interrupt whatever terribly important thing you're doing, but did you not remember it's Tuesday?" 

Dean pulls the phone away from his head to squint at it, then puts it back to his ear. "Yes, Sam, so glad you called me to impart that vital piece of information, I've been having trouble remembering my days of the week lately. I'm glad I have you to remind me." 

His brother snorts, sounding a little annoyed, a little amused, but mostly despairing over all. "Tuesday the 20th?" He prods. 

Dean pulls the phone away from his ear again, and covers it so Sam can't hear. "Is there something I'm supposed to be doing today?" He whispers to Kevin, who shrugs. "You're a lot of help," he mutters, returning the phone to his ear. 

"Okay, what am I missing. As far as I know, the 20th of November is not your birthday, my birthday, your wedding day, Kev's graduation, Jo's baby shower, Bobby and Ellen's anniversy, or anything else important." 

Sam sighs, long suffering. "I'm not engaged and Jo's not pregnant, so I feel like those are bad examples." Before Dean can protest though, he continues, "It's Tuesday, the 20th of November, also known as the day I come home for Thanksgiving."

"Shit. Shit. Shit!" Dean says, feeling like an idiot, and a bad brother besides. "Shit, Sammy, I'm sorry, I'll be there in thirty." 

He ends the call and jumps up, grabbing his jacket. Kevin looks at him questioningly, "What is it?"

"Sam comes home today for Thanksgiving, I forgot. Guess you're coming over sooner. You don't have class tomorrow, right?" Dean askes as he pulls on his jacket and boots. Kevin is still staring at him like he's grown a second head. He snaps his fingers, "Kevin? Come on, get your stuff." 

"Get my- Dean what?" Kevin looks completely shocked and it's the second time in ten minutes Dean's missed something probably big and important, first he forgot Sam was coming home, and now he forgot- what?

Clear simple language will probably work best in this case, he thinks, so he says, "Your stuff. For the weekend? You're staying with us for Thanksgiving, remember?" 

"Oh my God." Kevin says, though less like he's realized something he forgot and more like he thinks Dean is an idiot. He stands up, shaking his head, "Dean, you never asked me to stay with you guys over Thanksgiving. I just assumed I'd be here by myself." 

Dean gapes. Why would Kevin ever think Dean was going to leave to him to spend thanksgiving alone when he'd mentioned he didn't have the money to go home to his mom? Ellen had already told Dean to invite Kevin to stay the weekend, and Dean thought he had told Kevin, but Dean's been pretty distracted, trying to listen to Kevin and let him talk, it must have been passed over. But still, why would Kevin doubt he'd be invited, the whole family (baring Sam, since they've never met) loves the kid and Dean's made peace with the fact he is, at least for now, Kevin's only friend, so he's going to be the best damn friend he can be. Apparently that has caused him to miss things like invites. Shit, Dean need a pocket calendar or something.

He groans, hitting himself in the face. "Shit! Geez Kevin, I would never let you spend Thanksgiving alone, and I guess I assumed you knew or that I or Jo had told you." He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, tugging a little on the short hair of his neck. "You are definitely staying with us for Thanksgiving," He looks down, feeling like an idiot, "I mean, if you want to. There's tons of food, and you'll get to meet Sam and-" 

Kevin cuts off Dean's rambling by grabbing his arm, smiling a little shyly. "Dean, of course I want to come, shit, let me grab my stuff." He grabs his stupid backpack and starts stuffing not only clothes, but also his textbooks in there. 

Dean hits his shoulder lightly, "Man, please don't tell me you're bring homework to this?" 

Kevin tries to glare at Dean but he's still beaming like it's Christmas so it hinders the effect. "I need to work on things, shut up." Dean rolls his eyes, but takes the heavy backpack from Kevin when it's full and slings it over his shoulder while Kevin gets his shoes and jacket on. Dean notes the jacket is thread bare, and not heavy enough for the weather, but he doesn't comment on it, saving that for another time.

When the kid tries to take his bag back from Dean, Dean dodges and heads to the door, grinning at Kevin. "Dean, I can carry my own backpack." Kevin says, giving Dean an almost perfect bitch face, but he still looks amazingly happy, and his eyes crinkle adorably instead of glaring daggers into Dean. 

"I'm stronger!" Dean calls over his shoulder as he turns quickly to hid the color coming into his face because what the hell? Did he just think of Kevin as adorable? He heads down the hall hearing Kevin's steady footfalls behind him. Well this should be an interesting Thanksgiving. 

 

They make it to the salvage yard at a quarter past nine, and Dean grins when he sees Sam's car in the drive. He turns to Kevin, who looks almost as happy as Dean feels, which just makes Dean happier. "C'mon, it's time for you to meet my brother." 

Kevin, for some strange reason, looks nervous. Dean leans over. "Hey, you okay? I promise, he doesn't bite." 

The kid rolls his eyes, putting on faux bravery. "Yeah, but, um," He looks down, biting his lip. "What if he doesn't like me?" 

Dean puts a hand on his shoulder. "Sammy likes everyone, and you're cooler then everyone anyway. Trust me, you two will get along great, you can nerd on about Freud or whatever." Dean shoves him playfully to the car's door. 

He hears something about "not Freud, Dean" but he ignores it walking ahead of Kevin to the front door, not bothering to knock, just pushing it open. "Sam?" He calls.

"Dean! Hey!" Sam says, coming out into the room and grinning at him, pulling him into a quick hug. Dean rolls his eyes but hugs his brother in return, patting him on the back a few times for good measure. 

Sam pulls away and grins, immediately turning to Kevin, who's standing awkwardly behind Dean, as though he's trying to hid, as though Dean's safe and will protect him from anything.

Sam holds out his hand. "You must be Kevin, I've heard lots about you." 

Kevin shakes his hand, "Nice to meet you," He replies, before looking wearily at Dean out of the corner of his eye. "You talk about me?" 

Dean shrugs, "Not that much, but some yeah. I normally tell Sam about my friends." 

Sam snorts. "Not that much?" He turns to Kevin, and whispers conspiratorially. "Man, you he doesn't shut up about you. Like ever." Kevin blushes, and Dean rolls his eyes, grabbing his brother's arm and steering him into the living room where the rest of the family is sitting around the TV. 

"So nice of you to join us, Dean." Ellen says sarcastically, not looking up from some cooking show they're watching. Jo smirks at Dean from the armchair, all smug, saying "How exactly do you forget when your brother comes home, hmm?"

Bobby grunts, "Don't patronize him, Jo, he was with the boy at least." 

Dean flips Jo off while Ellen's not looking, as Kevin whispers "The boy? He calls me the boy?" To Sam, who shrugs and mutters back, "He calls every male under forty boy, don't take it personally." Kevin looks rather happy though, and Dean smiles in satisfaction, plopping down on the couch between Bobby and Ellen. It's nice to have Sam here, and him with Kevin is even better, he knows they're going to get along. 

His good mood lasts right until Ellen leans over and pinches his ear. "Ow! What was that for?!" He cries, jumping back up while Sam, Kevin, and Jo (the traitors) snicker in the background. He frowns at his surrogate mother. 

She gives him an unimpressed expression. "That's for making a rude gesture at my daughter." 

Dean gapes, while the other three young people are practically rolling on the floor laughing, and he is so going to get all of them back for this. "You weren't even looking!" 

Ellen taps her head. "I have eyes in the back of my head, Dean Winchester, don't you forget it. Now go catch up with your brother before the boy has to sleep." 

"Don't I know it," Bobby says regretfully, looking like he's been caught in more then one act bye Ellen's all seeing eyes.

Dean grumbles but leaves the living room to go to the kitchen, his brother, Jo and Kevin all following. Dean raids the fridge for beer, holding one up to Sam, who takes it, and then to Jo. "You want anything, Kev?" He asks. 

"Uh, sure, there's soda, right?" Kevin says, sitting down at the table.

Dean turns an affronted gaze on him. "Pop." 

Kevin looks back defiantly. "Soda." 

The older man turns to Sam and Jo. "Help me out here guys!" 

Jo sips her beer, sliding into a seat at the table beside Kevin. "Soda pop." She grins, because she's just that annoying. Sam sits too, smiling apolitically at Dean. "I just call it gross." 

Kevin is smiling smugly at Dean, like he's fucking won, which he differently hasn't, but Dean lets it slide, his heart feels so full at seeing his friends and family sitting together, it's nice in a way he never knew it could be. He sits too, across from Kevin, and next to Sam and Jo, sliding a can of sprite across the table, Kevin snatching it before it can veer onto the floor. 

There's a comfortable silence for a few minutes as they sip their drinks before Dean asks, "So how was the trip, Sammy?" 

"Tiring." Sam says, "It's not that fun to drive alone." 

"Sure it is," Dean says, "The open road, music on full blast, just you and the car. It's relaxing." 

"Not all of us are married to our cars though," Jo interjects, and Kevin snorts, while Sam just full out laughs.

Dean glares around the table, trying not to let them see his smile at them all getting along. "I thought this was going to be fun with Sam here but if you're all going to gang up on me I ain't staying." 

They talk and laugh like that for a few hours, til Sam's yawning gets insistent and they decide to head to their respective bedrooms. This, of course brings up the question of who's sleeping where. 

"Kevin, you can take my bedroom." Dean tells him, getting up and stretching. "The couch is plenty comfy." 

"Dean, I'm not taking your bed, I'm smaller, I can take the couch." Kevin says because he has to be difficult and stubborn like that. 

Sam looks like he's about to suggest sleeping on the couch, which is not going to work because Sam's legs are just way too long. "Kevin." Dean says, hoping he'll cede, and when he counties to look at Dean defiantly he adds, "You're the guest and you usually have to sleep in a tiny bed. You're taking mine, c'mon."

"But-" 

"Nope, up we go." They head up the stairs, Kevin still protesting weakly as Dean guides him into his bedroom and the other two head to their own. 

He glares at Dean as Dean pushes him gently to sit on the bed. Kevin crosses his arms, watching Dean dig through the drawers for sweats. "I just don't want you to be uncomfortable, I can sleep anywhere, and my legs aren't going to fall off the end of the couch." 

Dean hides his smile, by ducking his head down, God, this kid is way too good to be friends with him, he's just plain nice in a way that Dean's never been, doesn't know how to be. Dean's all rough sandpaper and sharp edges, bitter and sour and everything Kevin's not. He's not going to try to cut Kevin out again, cares about him too much to do that, but he still doesn't believe he deserves someone like Kevin. 

He stands, and ruffles Kevin's hair, in a way especially designed to infuriate him so the kid will stop being so damn nice to him. "I'll be fine, kid." Kevin playfully shoves Dean in retaliation for the hair ruffle and the use of the name, and Dean shoves him back, eyes glinting, cause it is so on. 

Kevin tries to twist Dean's arm behind his back, but he breaks out of that easily enough, elbowing the younger man in the stomach to knock the breath out of him. Dean thinks he has it made, but Kevin lunges forward, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders, slamming him into the bed, and they bounce slightly with the impact. Before Dean can get up, Kevin kneels on his torso. He's smaller then Dean, but he has him pinned pretty good with his body weight.

"Ha." Kevin says, and Dean wishes it annoyed him when Kevin got that 'I win' look in his eyes, and didn't just make him happy. 

Dean raises his eyebrows, trying to distract Kevin while he figures out his next move. "What, you think you've won already? This has barely started, kid." 

Kevin smirks. "I'm not the one pinned, old man." 

"Oh that does it, you brat." Dean laughs, grabbing Kevin's thigh, and flipping them over, pinning Kevin, legs on either side of his thighs. Kevin's eyes widen a little, and then he starts giggling. Dean drops his head to Kevin's chest, laughing too, and he's reminded why Kevin might be a good thing for him. Might be an amazing thing. 

He gets up regretfully, in that moment he just wants to stay laughing with Kevin, but it's late, and they need to get to bed. Even if Dean's sleep schedule is shit, doesn't mean Kevin's doesn't have a chance. "Night, Kevin," He says," 

"Goodnight, Dean." He hears in reply before he closes the door, and heads down the couch to sleep.

 

Dean's having a strange dream. For one thing, he's married to Scarlett Johnson, which is awesome, but clearly unrealistic. She's also pissed at him, though he has no clue why, and she's slamming serving platters down on Bobby's counter.

He comes out of the dream blinking blearily up at the ceiling, but the clanking continues. He sticks his head over the back of the couch, looking into the kitchen. Sam is tapping his coffee cup on the counter absently while waiting for the coffee to brew. Dean groans, falling back into the pillows. "Sam! Cut it out!"

The coffee cup comes down harder on the counter. "Shit, Dean! Don't scare me like that." 

Dean resigns himself to waking up, even though a glace at the watch he never bothered to take off confirms it's only eight. He gets up, walking to his brother who's still glaring at him. 

"You're the one who woke me up at this godforsaken time." He bitches, reaching past Sam to snag his own coffee cup and filling it up before Sam has a chance, taking a sip of the hot coffee without waiting for it to cool. The bitch face he gets from his brother is totally worth the burnt tongue. 

He takes another sip just to prove his point, smirking at Sam. Sam rolls his eyes, pouring coffee into his own cup until it's three-quarters full, adding milk to the rest. "It's eight o four, Dean." Sam says. 

"Right, like I said, godforsaken." The older teases his brother. Sam can't hid how happy he is to be here though. 

It's good, standing in Bobby's kitchen sipping their coffee like nothing has ever changed, like they haven't been apart. Dean content to not acknowledge the fact they actually enjoy the other's company when Sam says "I've missed you, you idiot." Because he's just a huge girl like that. Dean can't help but smile rakishly though. 

"Aw, don't get all sappy on me, Sammy." He says, and gets punched in the arm for his trouble. Hard too. "Hey! Why is my family so keen on abusing me lately?" 

"It's your own fault for antagonizing us." Sam says, the smartass, and God he's missed his kid brother. 

Dean reaches out and punches Sam back, just as hard and asks, "How's life been treating you?" Sam shrugs, looking sad all of a sudden, and Dean's worried. "Everything's alright isn't it?"

Sam scrubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, it's fine. I love my job, but I'm always traveling for the stories. I miss you guys. Not to mention it's pretty hard to have a steady relationship when you're never in the same place for more then a few weeks. I love going out and finding stories, but I miss home." 

Dean had thought Sam was pretty content traveling, away from his family. Away from Dean. But maybe he's just as lonely as Dean is sometimes. Maybe more, after all, Dean has Kevin now. 

He tires for nonchalance as he says, "You don't have to travel all the time, Sam. You could work with a local magazine. Maybe just travel around the state. It would be good to have you here. You always hated traveling as a kid, don't have to do it now. Settle down, get a girl. Or a guy. Or a dog. You've always wanted a dog. And I'd like to have you here. I miss you, man." And yeah it's a little sappy, especially coming from Dean Winchester, but he means it. 

Sam smiles. "I wish I could, but there's so much to explore." He finishes his coffee, setting the cup in the sink. "Besides, I'm staying till after new year's, I'm planning on seeing if there's any stories left in this town." 

Dean raises his eye brows. "Sioux Falls ain't exactly small. I'm sure there'll be something to keep you occupied while you're here. You can go to the college. Interview Kevin. Don't know about what." He finishes his own coffee, and gives Sam a grin. "If all else fails, you can help Bobby, Jo and I fix up some cars." 

Sam wrinkles his nose comically. "I'll probably destroy a car sooner then fix it. I think I'd rather talk to Kevin about his classes, he's a smart kid," Sam looks closes at Dean, as though he's searching for something in his brother's face. 

Dean just smiles proudly. "Yeah, he's real smart." 

 

They need things for Thanksgiving dinner, so in the afternoon the four young people pile into the Impala to head to town. Sam turns to the back seat to question Kevin, while Dean and Jo are content to listen to the music blaring from the speakers. 

"So what's your favorite class at MJU?" Sam askes. "Or favorite few classes, I never could pick a favorite."

Dean meets Jo's eyes in the rearview, mouthing _Favorite classes?_ She just rolls her eyes and mouths _Nerds_ back at him. Sam and Kevin are too busy discussing the clearly reverting subject of academics to call them out on it though.

"I have a few, I'm really enjoying Psych, but I also love my religion class, I never thought I'd be so into it, but my professor is amazing." Kevin tells Sam, looking excited to finally be able to talk about his classes with someone who finds it interesting. 

Sam's eyes light up. "Religion? That was my favorite class, I liked it even more then journalism, and that's what I do. Do you have Professor Novak?" If Dean crashes now, not that he would do that to his baby, but if he did, Sam would be in some serious pain, he's twisted up like a pretzel to talk to Kevin about this. Dean has no idea what's so great about this Professor Novak, but Sam must have had him too. And probably been in love with him or something the way he's paying attention to Kevin. Dean laughs internally. Ah, Sammy was too proper to ever tangle with a teacher. Dean hadn't been aversion with Miss Milton in 10th grade. She hadn't been terribly interested though. 

Kevin nods eagerly. "Yeah, he's awesome isn't he?" 

"He's the best," Sam smiles, "How is he? I haven't seen him in a couple years." 

Dean zones out somewhere around there, leaving them to they're talking til they pull into the parking lot of a grocery store. It's totally packed, but that's not surprising given it's the day before Thanksgiving. "Alright kids!" Dean says, clapping his hands, and earning three identical glares. "How do we want to do this, divide and conquer?" 

"What do we need?" Sam askes. "I figure everyone gets a different section of the store so we can get in and out quickly?" 

Jo pulls out the list from her pocket and reads "Potatoes, carrots, canned green beans, cream of mushroom soup, flour, butter, milk, a shit ton of fruit, seriously Dean, how much pie are you and Mom making?" 

"As much as is needed." Dean says solemnly. "Is that all?" 

"No, we need cocoa powder, whipped cream, and beer." Jo tells him, throwing the list at him for inspection. Dean reads through it confirming what she's said. 

"I don't know where any of that is." Kevin says. "I've never been to this store." 

Dean mentally figures the best plan then says, "That's cool, you and I can get the fruit and baking stuff, Jo," He points at her "Cans and beer, and Sam, rabbit food." 

Sam snorts. "Vegetables, Dean, they're good for you. " 

"Right, rabbit food." 

They make it in and out of the grocery store in a hour, which is truly amazing for the day before Thanksgiving. When they get back to the house, they go tumbling through the front door singing Werewolves of London at the top of their lungs. Ellen looks at them like they're a particularly rowdy litter of kittens, and says mildly, "You're back early." 

"What can I say," Dean tells her as he sets his bags on the counter, "We came, we saw, we conquered." 

They have a fairly simple supper, and the next day Dean, Ellen, and Bobby get up early to prepare the Thanksgiving meal. They don't let anyone else in the kitchen as Bobby cooks the turkey, Ellen works on the vegetables and Dean prepares pie crust after pie crust. Sam peers into the kitchen from the living room looking vaguely nervous to interrupt. 

"Are you sure you guys don't need any hel-" 

"Shoo!" Dean waves him off with a rolling pin. "We've got this, go play videos games!" 

"We don't have any- ow! I'm going, I'm going!" Sam yelps as Dean hits him with the rolling pin and runs off. Jo and Kevin look to scared to attempt helping after Sam's injury. Kevin does come over to talk with Dean while he's filling the pies though. 

He's careful not to step into the kitchen, just leaning on the doorway next to Dean. "This is the first Thanksgiving I've had without my mom," He confides to Dean. "I hope she's doing okay."

"You should call her," Dean tells him. He knows what it's like to miss his mother, though he lost his mother earlier. But til them, Kevin's mom was the only family the kid had. Dean at least has Sam, Bobby Ellen, and Jo. Dean hopes he can meet Kevin's mother someday, she's got to be pretty amazing to raise someone as awesome as Kevin all by herself. 

"I'm going to after dinner." Kevin says, before grinning mischievously. "She'll probably want to talk to you too, she's really curious," He rolls his eyes a little, "And protective, so she might just ask to talk to the whole family, never mind the fact you're the one who brought me to them." 

Dean makes a face. "I'm not saying I don't want to talk to your mom, cause I do, she sounds great, but I'm a little afraid I'm going to be interrogated like I'm your boyfriend." 

The boy's face goes a little pink but he laughs, and pitches his voice a little higher. "What are your intentions towards my son?" 

Dean groans, nearly dropping his face into the pie. "Just what I need. Moms are scary, man, even when you're the best friend not the boyfriend." 

Kevin smiles softly at that, and Dean realizes this might be the first time either of them have used the title of best friend. It's what they are though, and yeah maybe it's a little weird since they have such a large age gap, but he's never had a friend like Kevin before. The next second Dean fears for his life though because Kevin gives him an evil look saying, "My mom is scarier then normal moms, trust me. She's five feet two of pure fury and mothering instinct." 

"I'm going to be murdered." 

"Probably." 

Dean glares at his friend. "Real reassuring, kid," and he throws flour at Kevin in retaliation. That, of course prompts a food fight, which Ellen quickly puts a stop to. There's still cocoa powered in Kevin's hair when they eat dinner though. 

It's the best Thanksgiving they've had in years, and Dean can tell everyone agrees. The food is amazing, but for once Dean doesn't notice that so much as the feeling of belonging he has. And yeah, cheesy, but it's an amazing feeling seeing Kevin smiling, without worrying about school in the back of his mind. Seeing Sam laughing. 

After dinner, Dean is, as promised interrogated by Linda Tran after Kevin finishes talking to her. She opens up with "So you're the young man who's been taking care of my son." 

"Yes, ma'am." Dean gulps. Sam, Kevin and Jo are laughing in the background, and he flips them off collectedly. 

"Well I think I owe you a thank you. I was worried about Kevin going to school so far away, but you've really helped him. So thank you." She sounds pleased, and Dean's happy he's managed to make her like him, she doesn't sound like a woman to mess with.

"Trust me, it's no hardship, he's helped me as much as I have him, more I reckon." Dean tells her, smiling at Kevin, who's blushing and glaring at Dean at the same time. It's adorable, and there he goes again, calling the kid adorable. 

He can practically see her approving look despite the fact he's never met her. "Good. I think I like you, Dean. You should come with Kevin when he's able to visit. In the mean time, make sure you hug him on his birthday for me." 

"I would love to come ma'am." He pauses, "I'm not much of a hugger- wait, birthday?! When is his birthday?!" He pulls the phone away from his ear and glares at Kevin. "You didn't tell me it's your birthday soon."

Kevin drops his head into his hands, and groans, "Mooooooooooooom," 

"Tell him I heard that!" Linda says, "That boy! It's the second of December, and I don't care how much of a hugger you are, you hug him for me, and hug him for you too, you understand me young man?"

"Yes ma'am." Dean smirks at Kevin, and says his goodbyes, then plops down on the end of the couch, right next to Kevin. "She heard you groaning." 

"Fuck." Kevin whispers, and Dean can't help but laugh.

He mutters in Kevin's ear, "I am going to go all out for your birthday." Before Kevin can protest Dean looks to Sam and Jo and gestures them over to the couch. "C'mon guys, let's watch Die Hard. It's almost Christmas." 

Sam sits down on the other end of the couch, leaving Jo to squeeze into the middle between him and Kevin. The younger Winchester shakes his head at Dean. "You do know Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie, right?" 

Dean mock gasps, slapping his hand dramatically to his chest. "Sammy! How dare you! Of course it is! Jo back me up here!" 

His surrogate sister just sighs. "Stop trying to get my on your side. Now someone put on the movie." 

The couch is meant for three average size people and Dean and Sam are a bit larger then average, so Kevin is almost on Dean's lap, and Jo is nearly on Sam's. No one really minds. Dean never thought he was really a touchy person, but Kevin is proving him wrong in that respect. He wraps an arm around Kevin's shoulders, pulling him tight into Dean's side. He absently strokes the skin of Kevin's shoulder where he's shirt has slipped off of it, and doesn't notice the looks Sam casts at him through the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soda or Pop? Also, Die Hard is totally a Christmas movie. I'll fight you on that.


	6. Bending Over Backwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! So it's been . . . some time. Oh God guys it's been so long. I've been in a writing slump, and this year has been super busy but I feel like I've actually got my writing to flow again. Please enjoy this very, very, very late chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I've played laser tag once in my entire life, so I'm not totally clear on the rules.

Kevin's birthday is on a weekday, so Dean figures he'll have to convince him to get away from school to go do something. Dean has a plan that involves laser tag and mini cupcakes. These brilliant plans are shot to hell though, when Kevin calls him Saturday night.

"Hello, Tran my man." Dean says into the receiver, balancing it between his ear and his shoulder as he screws around with an old radio of Sam's that Dean is trying to fix. He thinks he might just be breaking it further.

Kevin groans longer then strictly necessary. "Never call me that again." 

Dean grins, "C'mon, Tran Man."

"I hate you so much." Kevin tells him, sounding like he's trying not to be pleased which makes Dean grin all the harder. Making Kevin happy, Dean has discovered, is one of life's great pleasures. He's always liked to be useful of course, but making someone else happy with nothing but being yourself is infectious. If Kevin's happy, Dean's happy. He guesses that's a perk of having a best friend. 

"Aw, you know you love me," he says without thinking, and after Dean does he holds his breath because this is so far out of left field for him. 

Kevin just snorts though, saying, "Yes, dear," mockingly, but it's a shock to think that maybe he means it. Dean has no time to dwell on that though before Kevin clears his throat as though he senses Dean's turmoil and changes the subject. "So, I know you have this grand plan for me to skip all my classes and go celebrate my oh so wondrous nineteen years on this earth," and Dean wonders internally if some of Dean's sarcasm has rubbed off on Kevin, "But I have two big tests on that day, and I'm going to be cramming the night before. There's actually a whole lot going on the entire week," Dean hears him exhale heavily, "I really need to study for finals too, those are going to be a bitch." 

He sounds so tired and strained, and Dean wants to make it better, but he knows from experiences with Sam that the most he can do is encourage him and maybe bring coffee. There's not much use telling Kevin he knows he'll ace everything, the kid is so damn smart, but he doubts himself too much. "Well, I know we can't do all the things I've been planning, but I can stop by and bring you coffee or something after your tests?" Dean suggests. 

"Oh my god, bless you." Kevin says, and Dean laughs. 

He turns serious though, saying, "Don't push yourself too much okay? And still sleep and eat." Dean encourages. "And when you have a free day we'll go have your birthday adventure." 

"Like you have room to talk, Dean," Kevin says, and then "Adventure?" 

"Adventure." Dean repeats firmly. "And I never was a big academic achiever, not like you. Also, what are you talking about? I eat everything." 

His friend huffs. "But you don't sleep. And there's other ways of pushing yourself. Spreading yourself too thin. Sometimes you have to take care of you instead of everyone around you, Dean." 

Dean wants to protest, wants to say *But what use am I if I'm not helping?* He doesn't though, afraid of what Kevin will say. He may have gotten better in accepting Kevin's friendship, but he still isn't going to be able to listen to Kevin telling him he's worth something more than his value to others. It's fucked up when Dean thinks about it, but he can't help but feel like his worth is measured by his ability to help someone else. Maybe it's the army that drilled that in to him, where they had to depend on each other. Maybe it's Dad, because for most of his life he was measured by how he could help his father, by if he could care for Sam. He still holds himself to that. Can't help it, it's so ingrained in him, Dean doesn't know who he'd be if he were entirely his own. 

"I get a good four hours every night," Dean jokes, to dispel his souring mood, adding, "And I can take care of both you and myself, just fine." He can't, of course, can't take care of himself. Doesn't want to either. He's old, maybe not in body but in his soul, and he'd much rather put his time and energy into someone young and vibrant, full of life and love. Someone with a future other then living in a house that belongs to someone else, limping around repairing rust buckets that barely pass for cars. He doesn't tell Kevin that though. Not now.

Kevin sighs, and they both know he's not being honest with Kevin, and Dean knows that hurts the kid. He wants to be, God he wants to be, but he doesn't want to lay everything on him either. Maybe someday he will. If Kevin's still hanging around his sorry ass. 

They talk a little more, Dean promising to drop in with coffee on his birthday, and then for them to have the birthday adventure over Christmas break. He wishes Kevin goodnight, and ends the call, staring down at the stupid radio, and has the urge to smash it. He doesn't though, keeping all the emotion locked inside his chest. 

 

It's almost ten o'clock at night when Dean shows up at Kevin's dorm, coffee cup in one hand and a bag of M&Ms in the other. He knocks on the door with the forearm of the arm with the M&Ms. "Kev?" He calls. "I got the loot!" It's gonna be awkward if Harry is home, but Dean hasn't seen him all that often at their dorm so he doubts the punk will be there. 

Kevin opens the door, looking tired, but he brightens when he sees the coffee, grabbing it out of Dean's hand so quickly it almost spills. "Oh my God, you are the *best*." Kevin tells him, sighing as he takes a sip of the coffee. "My brain has felt like it's melting all day." 

Dean holds up the bag of M&Ms, swinging them around proudly, and Kevin makes a delighted sound, snatching them out of his hand too. "Marry me." He says, ripping into the bag eagerly. 

Dean laughs, flushing a little. "If I had known it was that easy, I would have brought you chocolate a long time ago." He smiles fondly, ruffling Kevin's hair. "Happy birthday, kid." He looks around the room at the piles of books over Kevin's bed and desk, and desperately wishes he and Kevin could have gone out to celebrate on his birthday. He knows they will after the semester is over, but it stills seems like a sucky way to spend your birthday. 

"Thank you." Kevin tells him, as he moves quickly to his bed and starts clearing a space, "You want to hang around? I mean you don't have to, I still have a lot of work and I know you're probably busy and we're hanging out soon so I understand if-" 

Dean puts his finger on Kevin's lips, efficiently shutting him up. The boy's eyes widen, staring a Dean like a deer in the headlights. He rolls his eyes. "C'mon Kev, of course I'll stay. Just because we can't go out, doesn't mean you should be alone on your birthday. And that's a big bag of M&Ms. Don't want you eating them all by yourself and getting sick." He looks Kevin up and down, seeing how pale and tired he is. "Or more sick. Seriously man, are you okay? Have you been eating?" 

Kevin plays with the ends of his long sleeved tee, which Dean has noticed he does when he's nervous. He sighs, looking down to avoid Dean's eyes. "I'm- well not okay exactly, but I'm managing. I'm taking so many classes, and I don't always have time for everything." 

Dean catches Kevin's hands to stop their restless movements. "Hey, it's okay. I tell you what, this is what we're gonna do, okay?" Kevin nods, looks at Dean now. "I'm going to go get you dinner, and some storable food, which you are going to accept," he adds fiercely as Kevin opens his mouth to protest. He shuts it again, and Dean adds, "And then you are going to sleep, and so help me I am going to watch you until you do so. You can finish studying tomorrow. And before you protest, you will be fine. Since Sam left, you're probably the smartest kid in this school." He looks at Kevin with an unyielding stare, thumbs absently rubbing over the back of the other's hands. "I believe in you, kid." 

"Yeah, okay." Kevin says, looking away, eyes shining and Dean can tell he's fighting back tears. He doesn't call him on it though, just gives Kevin's hands one last squeeze before releasing them with the promise that he'll be back soon. 

He is too, less than an hour later he's back, bearing pulled pork, green beans and mac-n-cheese from a diner off campus and a bag of easy microwaveable meals, peanut butter, bread, canned food and boxed mac-n-cheese, all the things Sam said he relied on in college. Kevin has stacked the books neatly on the desk, and he's reading one on his bed, drinking coffee, and eating the chocolate. It looks like a school book he's pouring through, but Dean has learned to pick his battles, so he just hands Kevin the take out and starts to pile the groceries in a crate that's sitting in the corner. 

"Tell Harry if he touches this food, I'm going to cut off his dick myself." 

The teenager on the bed who's doing a rather good impression of a starving wild animal lets out a laugh, a surprised happy noise. "Dean, you can't assault my roommate just because he touches the food you got for me." He sounds pleased at Dean's protectiveness though.

"Try and stop me." Dean says defiantly, climbing over Kevin on the bed to get to his usual place by the wall. Kevin grunts as he's jostled but settles, seeming more at ease with Dean beside him. 

The two of them sit in silence for a few minutes while Kevin eats, until he breaks the it as he finishes. "You're not actally going to watch me until I fall asleep, are you?" He askes. "That would be pretty creepy." 

Dean shrugs his shoulders, feigning helplessness. "It's that or drug you." He says with a matter of fact air, and Kevin punches him in the arm. Dean's about to retaliate, but Kevin's hand lands on his arm again, open palmed and gently this time, squeezing til Dean looks at him. 

"Thank you. Really, for everything. I don't deserve you." Kevin says quietly, sincere. Dean has to fight not to gape. Kevin, not deserving him??? Kevin deserves so much more then him, so much better then him, and it kills him a little that the kid can't see that. See how much he's worth, how much he means to Dean. 

"Hey, no, I don't deserve you, kid. You deserve everything." He says, covering Kevin's hand with his own slightly larger one, and when did they get so touchy? Hugs and feelings are usually Sam's department and Dean's a bit out of his element. He thinks he can learn though, for Kevin. "Don't ever think you don't." 

The kid looks down, shy. He doesn't believe Dean, he can tell, and that solidifies his resolve to do right by him. To show him he's worth something. He says, "And if you don't believe me, I'm going to dedicate my time to proving it to you." 

Kevin looks up at Dean. "And I'm going to dedicate mine to proving you're deserving, worthwhile too." 

 

"Soooo," Sam says, and not a normal, 'Hey, what's up' so, more of a 'the uncomfortable questions are about to come' so. Dean stops inspecting powdered sugar and eyes him suspiciously. Of all the places to have a uncomfortable conversation. Sam likes grocery stores and cars for that sort of thing though, somewhere Dean can't get away from him. It's been a few weeks since Dean and Kevin's heart to heart thing, and he hasn't seen him in person since then, and he misses Kevin worse then he should, dispite their nightly phone calls. It's a good thing that today they're finally going to celebrate Kevin's birthday, just a few days before they celebrate Christmas. 

Dean crosses his arms, leaning against the display, with raised eyebrows and a challenging look. "Sooooooooooo," He mocks Sam. 

Sam huffs. "So, what's going on with you and Kevin?" 

He stares. "Me and Kevin?" He echoes, trying to figure out what exactly that means. Him and Kevin *what*? If he's asking about what they're doing today, Sam should damn well know, seeing as how he and Jo are going with them to the laser tag place, and Dean is defiantly going to cajole Sam into helping with the mini cupcakes afterwards. Still he tries for the obvious saying, "We're going laser tagging?" 

Dean's lounging is interrupted by an old lady nudging him out of the way so she can get at the chocolate chips, so Dean grabs the powdered sugar and moves away with Sam, who is sighing his fed up with brothers sigh. "I mean like-" and apparently Sam does not know what he means cause he scrunches up his brow. "Like, feeling wise." He finishes, really lamely. 

Great, Sam's gone insane. Dean spins around, putting his hands on his little brother's shoulders, and pitching his voice high, and speaking as though to a four year old. "Well honey, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much-" 

"Oh my God shut up!" Sam says, throwing his hands, up looking bitchy and hilarious. "Just, nevermind." 

Mission accomplished, Dean thinks, swinging the bag of powdered sugar and whistling, Sam groaning behind him. They check out, getting a weird look from the cashier for just the powdered sugar, but what would she have him do? It's the only thing he doesn't have at home that he needs. 

Dean is still swinging it happily when they get to the car, when Sam remarks, "If you keep swinging that around it's going to break and we won't have powdered sugar." Dean pouts, but throws the bag of sugar to Sam who yelps comically, but catches it, glaring at Dean. "What did I just say?" 

"Don't know, wasn't listening." Dean grins, and Sam sighs heavily.

They're heading home to drop the sugar off and get Jo when Dean finally turns to his brother to snap "What?" because of the looks Sam has been shooting him over the ten minutes of driving. "Stop looking at me like that." He wonders if Sam is still thinking about what he had asked Dean in the store. He's still confused about that, Sam had never acted like that before. He was sounding like a thirteen year old girl at a slumber party who was trying to figure out who her friend liked. Because honestly, that's the only way Dean can interpret the question, which doesn't make any sense, not for him and Kevin. Even if there wasn't the age difference, Sam should know that Dean wasn't going to get into a relationship, especially with someone so much better then him Even if it weren't impossible, if he had some sort of feelings for the kid, he would never want Kevin to be with someone like him.

He doesn't though, he'd know. He loves Kevin, but not like that. And he won't. 

Sam shrugs. "You just seem really perky this morning." 

"Perky? Really." Dean says, shooting a glare at him as they turn into the drive. "I'm happy we're going to see Kevin is all. Also I like food, and beating your ass in laser tag." 

He knows it's the wrong thing to say as soon as he's said it. The whole Kevin thing is apparently exactly what Sam was suspecting, and he wants to snap that it doesn't mean anything, he's been better with Sam here too. But he smartly keeps his mouth shut, knowing the more he protests the more Sam will suspect he's right. 

Evidently Sam can see the tense line of his shoulders and the hard set of his mouth, because he doesn't comment further on the subject, only saying, "You wish you could beat me in laser tag. You're going down." 

Granted, he almost certainly thinks Dean is in denial about his tragic love for Kevin, but he's just happy Sam is dropping it. Dean grins at him again, shoulders relaxing, parking and turning the engine off. "We'll see, Sammy. Bet you're out of practice." He snatches the sugar off Sam's lap and gets out of the car as Sam hollers after him that he is not out of practice, dammit. Dean just strides confidently into the house, throwing the powdered sugar on the counter and yelling, "Joanna Beth!" 

"Not fair, Winchester!" His surrogate sister calls back as she walks into the kitchen in black jeans and a matching black tee shirt that looks suspiciously like Dean's, as it's about three sizes too big and has a weird mustard stain on it that Dean's pretty sure was acquired last Fourth of July. "I can't exactly call you by _your_ middle name." 

"That, little sis," Dean says as he drapes his arm around her shoulders and steers her outside to the car, "Is precisely why I do it." He squints at her shirt. "Isn't that mine?"

Jo shrugs, getting into the back of the car. "All my black tees are in the wash. And I'll personally pay to have your name legally changed so you have a middle one." 

"If you're going to do that, make sure it's a really embarrassing middle name. Better yet, give him three or four so you can yell them when he's being an idiot." Sam says, turning in his seat to face Jo. 

"So all the time?" Jo asks innocently as Dean starts up the car. 

"I've changed my mind, Kevin and I are going to laser tag by ourselves, you two can go plot about me in a emo café somewhere." 

Jo leans forward, so she can be heard better, resting her chin on the front seat. "What even is an emo café? It doesn't even sound like a bad thing. Though how are you going to play laser tag without us? It's a bit hard to play with two." 

Sam sort of snorts a little and quickly turns it in to a cough while Dean glares at him and Jo rolls her eyes and hits Sam soundly in the shoulder. They pull up to Kevin's building then, and Dean's about to get out of the car and find Kevin, when he sees the kid jogging over, hair wet and spiked messily as though he's just had a shower and hasn't had time to comb it yet. He slides into the car next to Jo, looking much happier and more relaxed then the last time Dean saw him, though there's still that under current of stress. He's not playing with the ends of his sleeves though, which Dean takes as a good sign. "Hey guys," He says, giving Jo a quick hug, and smiling at Sam and Dean in turn, lingering on Dean for a second, those dark eyes bright and happy.

"Kev! Hey man," Dean grins, reaching back to ruffle Kevin's spikily hair affectionately, further mussing it. Kevin swats his hand away, glaring at him in fake protest, his sparkling eyes giving him away. 

"So, what wonderous thing do you have planned for my birthday?" Kevin asks, sitting back in his seat as they start driving. 

"Laser tag!" Dean announces dramatically, turning to grin at the kid.

Kevin crinkles his nose. "I've never played laser tag before. I'm probably going to lose." 

"We play on teams," Sam says, "So that means even if you're awful, if your teammate is good, you'll do okay. And if they're good they can usually give you some pointers. We'll all give you pointers." 

Kevin looks a little more relived but not much. "And go easy on me, because it's my birthday?" He asks hopefully. 

Dean catches his eyes in the mirror again, and he smirks. "No chance in hell, buddy, and it ain't your birthday anymore is it?" 

Kevin drops his head into his hands dramatically. "I'm going to be destroyed." 

"Probably," Jo replies cheerfully, "Although it depends on how we pair up. Sam and Dean aren't allowed to play on the same side anymore, or they'll kick everyone's asses. It's much better when they're fighting to kick each other's ass's." 

Kevin squints at the two brothers then says, "Okay, what if I'm with Sam and you're with Dean?" 

Dean splutters. "Jo would sooner betray me then fight with me!" 

His brother snorts, "That's not actually how you play laser tag you know," 

Dean elbows Sam, turning from the road to glare at the other man. His siblings are determined to be as annoying as possible today. "You know that's not I mean! She's a devil." 

If Dean wasn't such a good driver, he probably would have crashed when Jo slaps the back of his head. "Bite me, Dean." 

"Hey hey hey!" Dean calls, "No touching the driver, or we'll end up a dirty smear on the pavement, and more importantly, Baby'll be totalled." He can see his brother mouthing _More importantly?_ with the expression of a man resigned to his fate. 

Dean looks at Kevin in the rear view mirror again, as he pulls into the almost deserted laser tag parking lot, to see how he's taking the siblings fighting. The kid's probably used to it by now, but never hurts to check that he's okay. Kevin actually looks pretty amused at their antics. His gaze meets Dean's in the mirror and he grins. "I can't decide if you two are going to be an unstoppable team or if you'll kill each other leaving Sam and I to have an easy victory." 

"Definitely the latter," Sam says, looking smug, and Dean punches him in the shoulder once he gets Baby parked. 

"No way, you guys are going down, right imp?"

He holds his palm up over his shoulder to Jo and she slaps it so hard it's going to be stinging for a few minutes. Her hands are small but she's learned how to hit and to hit hard. "Right, asshole." 

Sam and Kevin share a look, and Dean feels something like jealousy shoot through him. Sam rolls his eyes, "This is going to be child's play." 

Dean hits him again for good measure.

 

They only have to wait for ten minutes for an arena to become free, and the tech girl briefs them on the rules while she gives them their vests. Sam and Kevin are blue team, Jo and Dean are red. "Because they're so angry," Dean hears Sam mutter to Kevin, and the kid muffles his laugher, looking at Dean with sparkling eyes full of mirth and he tucks the look Kevin gave him (only him) away in the corner of his mind and tries not to think about how happy he is. 

There's two sides of the arena, the red side and the blue side. The time for a full game is twenty mixtures, and the rules are pretty standard, two points every time you hit someone in the chest or gun, minus one point if you get hit. Dean crouches on the red side behind a pillar waiting for the clock to start, already plotting. His leg gives a small twinge, but Dean ignores it. Jo's opposite him and she's poised for attack. Dean isn't worried, Jo is fierce, she's got good aim. So's Dean, but unfortantly, both he and his sister tend to be a little reckless and get hit more. Sam on the other hand, is stealthy, plus he's an amazing shot. Dean figures Kevin will be more on the stealthy side especially for his first game. No idea how the kid will be at the shooting part though. 

"Three . . . two . . . one . . . go!" He hears overhead on the loud speaker and he springs into action immediately tagging who he thinks is Kevin, just as he sees Jo take a hit, but she runs low to the ground and gets behind another pillar, peeking out and shooting, tagging the blue team again, though he's not sure if it's Kevin or Sam. 

As the game goes on Dean gets in a lot of hits, but he takes a lot too, which is really pissing him off, but then Sam is stupidly good at this game and Kevin most be holding his own. It feels like barely any time has past when the end is announced and they go out to get their stats. 

Dean's gotten off the most shots, with twenty-seven, but he's taken fourteen hits, high for him. Jo's gotten off twenty-four shots, but she's gotten eighteen hits, leaving team red with a total of seventy points. That's pretty good. Sam has twenty-four shots and taken only three hits, the fucking bastard. Kevin got off ten shots, and was hit fifteen times, leaving blue team with fifty points.

"Victory!" Dean cries pumping his fist up in the air, before grabbing Jo around her waist and spinning her in the air. He places her back on the ground and they high five. 

Sam snorts. "This isn't over yet, I demand a rematch." 

Kevin sighs, "Sorry, Sam, you would have won if I wasn't here." 

Dean's about to spring to his defense, but Sam gets there first. "Hey, hey no. This was your first time and you did amazing for that! Besides," He leans over to Kevin, "I'd much rather be on a team with you then those two heathens." 

Jo lets out something akin to a squawk. "Those _heathens_ just beat your ass in laser tag." 

Dean reaches over to ruffle Kevin's hair, liking the feeling of his fingers going through the smooth black strands. He's happy his family's getting on well with Kevin, but his brother is one of the nicest people he knows, kind and caring and able to deal with feelings and talking better then Dean's ever been. It makes sense that he and Kevin get along, and Dean feels a pang of something in his chest as he thinks that perhaps Kevin became best friends with the wrong brother. 

They play another game, and the blue team wins by five points. Dean rolls his eyes at Sam, and Jo sticks her tongue out at him, but he wraps his arm around Kevin's shoulder, murmuring "Good job, kid," in his ear. Kevin's arm comes up to wrap around Dean's waist and squeezing tight. 

edited to here

"Mini cupcakes?" Kevin asks, surveying the kitchen, which has piles of baking materials on the counters. Ellen had taken one look at it and told Dean in no uncertain terms what would happen to him if he didn't restore order to her kitchen after they were done. 

Dean claps his hands together, nodding sagely. "They're better then regular cupcakes. And we're making all different kinds." 

"If you say so," Kevin laughs, pushing aside some bags of flour and hoping up on the counter easy as you please. He puts his hands on his thighs and swings his legs a bit, asking, "What do I do?" 

"Mm," Dean considers the recipe, "Start measuring the dry ingredients, if you want." 

Sam provides them with music by plugging in his phone, and Kevin and Dean easily move around each other with their baking. It's the kind of easy he's only ever had with Sam and Jo in his life. It's nice to have this, sometimes they brush against each other as they walk around and the baking's over before he knows it, and there's four dozen mini cupcakes cooling on the counter. 

It's about that time that Kevin's cell phone rings and he pulls it out and squints at it. "It's my mom," He says to Dean, before pressing the answer button and raising and it to his ear. "Hey, Mom." 

Dean wanders into the living room where Jo and Bobby are watching tv, Sam is working on something on his laptop, and Ellen is reading. She looks up when Dean walks in and sits next to her, smiling. "Don't worry, Ellen, the kitchen is fine." 

She looks past him and squints into the kitchen at Kevin and the dishes drying on the counter as if she suspects he's lying. "Mm-hmm," She says, "I'll be checking on that later though." She smiles a bit at Kevin leaning against the counter, and Dean follows her gaze, letting his eyes take the kid in. 

He's happy, eyes bright as he talks to his mother, and he glances over at Dean and Ellen every so often, smiling at them. Dean's only able to look away from Kevin when Ellen turns to him, putting her hand on his arm softly. "It's good, Dean, what you're doing for him, you made him comfortable, and gave him a family away from his own. He's happy, looks less anxious, doesn't he?" 

Dean smiles. "Yeah, yeah he really does." He's eyes go back to Kevin, as they always do. 

Ellen pokes him gently in the ribs, "That's because, of you, you know." 

He opens his mouth to voice a protest but before he can suddenly Kevin's there, arms around his neck, practically in Dean and Ellen's laps. "Wow!" Dean says, laughing, putting his arms around Kevin's back. "What's going on?" 

When Kevin pulls back, he's beaming, and Ellen smiles too, reaching out to pat Kevin's leg where it's resting on Dean's. "Good news?"

"The best," Kevin grins. "My mom didn't think she could afford for me to come home this year, but she got a Christmas bonus, and said she'd buy me a bus ticket there and back." He squeezes Dean's shoulders, "I know I was going to spend Christmas with you, and I was so excited, but it's my mom-"

"Hey, of course," Dean says, and he'll miss Kevin for Christmas, but he knows this meant a lot to the kid, and were their situations reversed, it would to Dean too. "You have a great Christmas, okay? We'll see you when you get back." 

"When are you leaving?" Ellen asks, standing up, "I'll send a pie with you." 

Kevin smiles, reaching up to grab her hand, "Thank you. All of you," He adds, look past Dean's shoulder to where Jo and Sam are smiling at him and Bobby is nodding with approval. "I leave tomorrow, so we still get to eat the cupcakes, and I'll be back the day after New Years." 

Dean smiles, pulling Kevin to him again. "Just so you know, I'm going to constantly bug you with texting." 

Kevin rolls his eyes at Dean. "Trust me, I know. Merry Christmas, Dean." He adds, giving Dean one last smile, this one all for him.

 

Dean's lying in bed on New Years day, although in a few more minutes it'll be the second. It's been a good holiday season, and Kevin should be home tomorrow. Sam though, left today for an interview in the Midwest. Dean's proud of his brother, but he'll miss him and he's sorry Sam didn't get to say good bye to Kevin. 

He's just drifting off when he's cell starts ringing, and he rolls over thinking it must be Kevin, or Sam. Possibly even Jo sneaking something into the house. He peers at the screen though to see an unfamiliar number. He swipes to answer and puts the phone up to his ear. "'Lo?" He asks, not very coherently. 

"Hello, is this Dean Winchester?" A unsure feminine voice asks. 

Dean is immediately more alert, sitting up in bed. "Yeah. Is something the matter? Who is this?" 

"I'm calling from River Hospital. Your brother, Sam Winchester was just brought in, in critical condition from a car crash."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for the ending, I promise you won't have to wait nearly so long for the next chapter.


	7. A shoulder to cry on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of Sam's injures and treatments I wrote to the best of my knowledge, but as that was limited to some google searches and asking my mom (a nurse) this probably isn't completely accurate. I hope you enjoy this chapter, because I really love it, it's one of my favorites. It's also ridiculously long.
> 
> Also: Yifera has created some absolutely gorgeous art for this fic, I still can't get over it, so go check it out on her tumblr and give her some love! http://yifera.tumblr.com/post/181501707282/this-is-a-christmas-present-for-the-lovely

Dean doesn't remember the drive to the hospital. Later, when he tries, all he can summon is the image of his hands on the steering wheel, knuckles clenched tightly. But there's no recollection of the drive itself. 

By the time he arrives, it's twelve-twenty seven a.m., and Dean rushes into the waiting room and up to the help desk, where a tired looking receptionist is staring at the screen of her computer. She looks up as Dean approaches and something in his face must convey his urgency, because she looks concerned as she asks, "Sir? Can I help you?" 

Dean takes a deep breath, "I'm here for Sam Winchester. I got a call half an hour ago that he was in a accident and he's hurt." He scrubs a hand over his face. "I need to see him. Do you know where he is?" 

"Okay, calm down, sir. What's your name and relation to the patient?" She asks as she begins to type on her computer.

"Dean. Dean Winchester. I'm his big brother," he says, fighting the urge to tell her to hurry up and find out how Sammy is. He knows it's not her fault, that she's doing this as fast as she can. Dean clenches his fists tightly while he waits. 

The receptionist nods at something on her computer and turns to him. "Okay, I'll let someone know you're here. A doctor should be out soon to talk to you, I'm sorry, but I don't know his condition." 

He nods, walking towards the hard chairs in the empty waiting room, but ends up just pacing, worst case scenarios running through his head. Critical condition? Is Sam going to die? God, is he dead already? Dean digs his fingernails into his palms, hoping the pain will calm him. He barely feels it though. 

Dean's not sure how long it is before a woman in a white doctor's coat approaches him. "Dean Winchester?" 

He whips around walking quickly over to her. "Do you know how Sam is?" 

She extends her hand to him saying, "I'm Doctor Fodor," and clearly she knows how impatient he is because she quickly adds, "Sam is in emergency surgery as we speak. His spleen has ruptured due to severe internal trauma, and he's having an emergency splenectomy and blood transfusion. After surgery, we'll be better able to tell how he'll recover." 

Dean swallows, staring at her. "Are you saying there's a chance he could die?" 

"Mr. Winchester, Sam is severely hurt. If surgery goes well, there's a decent chance he'll recover, but we just don't know until surgery is finished." 

"Okay, how long is that going to take?" Dean askes urgently. "How long until I know how he is, until I can see him?" 

Doctor Fodor sighs. "Seven or eight hours in surgery, you should be able to see him not long after." She looks at him earnestly, "Mr. Winchester, I promise you, we're doing everything we can to help him, but right now there's nothing you can do but sit down and wait." She glances into the empty waiting room. "Is there other family you can call? Parents, a girlfriend?" 

It helps focus his mind a little, because shit, he has to tell Bobby, Ellen, and Jo. He rushed out of the house without saying a word to any of them, and they'll be worried. The thought that Sam might not recover floats through his mind, but he refuses to accept it. No way he's going to let Sammy die, he's twenty-four years old with his whole life ahead of him, still needs to get married and fill his house with kids and dogs. 

Dean shakes his head. "No one like that, but I'll call who we do have," he looks at her and tries to be grateful, knowing she's doing the best she can. "Thank you, please tell me if anything-" His voice breaks and he's unable to finish the sentence. 

Doctor Fodor puts her hand on his arm. "We'll let you know as soon as anything changes, I promise." 

"Thanks," Dean says softly as she walks away. He sinks down into the chair and puts his head in his hands, just breathing for a few moments before he can do anything else. Sammy's gonna be okay. As long as the surgery goes well. It has to go well. Still, seven or eight hours is a long time to wait for results. He'll go crazy in that, especially if he's by himself. 

Dean pulls his phone out of his back pocket, thanking his stars he had had the presence of mind to grab it. He has five missed calls and fourteen text messages. Four of the calls are from their home phone, one is from Jo, and ten of the text messages are from her, and four from Ellen. Dean doesn't bother listening to his voicemails or reading the texts, just presses the home number, hoping they're still there, and haven't run off to look for him yet. 

It's halfway through the first ring when Ellen picks up. "Dean Winchester, you better have a damn good reason for driving off in the middle of the night and scaring us half to death." 

"Sam's in the hospital." 

There's silence, for long enough that Dean wonders if she dropped the phone or hung up. " _Jesus_ ," she whispers faintly. " _Dean_ , what happened? Is he- how is he?"

Dean closes his eyes, leaning back in the chair until his head is against the wall. "I don't know that much yet, he was in a car accident. His spleen ruptured and they're doing emergency surgery. The doc says it'll take seven or eight hours, and they won't know how he'll be till they see how surgery goes." 

He hears Ellen take a deep breath and relay the information to Bobby and Jo. She sounds just as tense and worried as he is, and Ellen is usually calm in all situations. "Which hospital are you at?" 

"River," he replies. 

Dean hears clicking keys as she types something on her computer. "That's a forty-five minute drive, so we'll be there in a little less than an hour." She pauses, and he knows she's thinking hard about something. "Do you need anything, Dean?" 

He knows what she's really asking. Is he okay. Is he holding it together or is he going to break. Dean feels sort of dead inside right now, so many worries swarming through his head, his natural defense is to ignore them. He shakes his head even though he knows Ellen can't see him. "No, just get here."

"We'll be there, just hang tight," Ellen says, hanging up. 

Dean's not sure what else he can do right now, there's nothing he can do to help his brother, so he stares at his feet and digs his fingers into his thighs, counting the specks on the floor tiles, his only company his own mind. Dean keeps wondering if there was something he could have done to prevent this. If he had just insisted that Sam stay a few more days. If he had rode with him, just for a few days. Rationally, Dean knows that there's nothing he could have done, but he doesn't have anyone else to blame.

The waiting room is cold and empty at this time of morning, and Dean feels like his drowning. He gets up a few times to pace, tying desperately to relieve some of his tension, as though the faster his feet wear down the tiles, the faster Sam will get out of surgery and he can find out if his brother's going to be okay. 

It feels like hours have pasted by the time Dean sees Jo's familiar blonde head in the waiting room. As soon as she sees him, Jo throws her arms around him, clinging to him tightly. Dean encircles her in his arms, pulling her close against his chest. 

Jo pulls back after a few moments, wiping her sleeve across her watery eyes, and scrutinizes him. "Are you okay?" She asks. 

Dean shrugs as Ellen and Bobby come into view. They're normally not very outwardly affectionate, but Bobby has his arm around Ellen. He steps forward and pats Dean hard on the back. "Your brother's a tough one, boy, he'll pull through." 

"I know he will," Dean says, but his voice sounds hollow even to his ears.

Ellen looks around the waiting room after she's hugged Dean. "I want to speak to the doctor you spoke to, Dean." 

"I'd ask at the desk," Dean says. "I haven't seen her since she talked to me." Ellen nods at him, and she and Bobby go up to the front desk to quietly talk to the receptionist. Jo flops into Dean's vacated seat, pulling her legs up onto it and hugging them tightly, resting her chin on her knees. Dean notices that she's wearing sweat pants and a large flannel he recognizes as one of Sam's over a tank top. They must have really rushed to get here. 

Dean sits beside his sister and slips an arm around her shoulders. Jo isn't generally very touchy feely, but he can tell she appreciates it now, leaning into him and ducking her head down so he can't see her face. "It's gonna be okay," he murmurs into her hair. "Bobby's right, Sam's a stubborn son of a bitch." 

Jo lets out a weak chuckle. "Yeah," she agrees. Dean doesn't say anything else, because he doesn't know what he'd say, and Jo seems content to sit in silence, watching the blank walls. Doctor Fodor comes out briefly to explain to Bobby and Ellen what she explained to Dean. When the doctor leaves, they come to sit down beside their children, Bobby next to Dean, Ellen next to Jo. 

That's how they spend the pre-dawn hours, sitting mostly in silence, though occasionally someone will say something. Mostly, they're too tense and worried to do much of anything besides sit and take turns getting coffee. 

Half past four sees Dean returning from the third vending machine run for coffee, and he enters the waiting room balancing three Styrofoam cups of it in his hands. He walks over to where Bobby and Jo are sitting and looks around for Ellen while handing them their cups of shitty coffee. "Where's Ellen?" Dean asks, digging into his pockets and pulling out a few granola bars and handing one to Jo, because even though none of them had felt hungry, Ellen had said they should eat. 

"She's picking up Kevin, at the bus station," Bobby answers, sipping at his coffee and grimacing. 

Dean stares for a moment before it hits him. "Shit! I was supposed to pick Kevin up this morning! He has the five-fifteen bus back." Dean fights the urge to hit himself. How could he forget about Kevin? 

Jo immediately senses where his mind is going and hits him lightly in the arm. "Hey, you've had a lot on your mind, to say the least. Mom's taking him to the dorms and explaining why you're not there." She squeezes his wrist. "He'll understand." 

Dean nods, but he still hates that he can't see Kevin now. It's probably for the best, he's afraid as soon as he sees Kevin, he'll fall apart. God, he wants to see him though, Dean needs his friend now more then ever, selfish as that may be. His sits back down and nibbles on a granola bar, but he can barely stomach it. 

Bobby starts looking at a magazine, but Dean kind of doubts Bobby's actually seeing the words or even knows he's reading _Vouge_. Dean's too anxious to find it funny. He drinks his coffee and tries to read a sport magazine over the next hour while Jo reads on her phone. 

They don't talk at all for nearly two more hours until Bobby finally closes his magazine, glancing at the cover and making a face, stretching and asking, "You kids what some more coffee?" 

Dean's had four cups by this point, but he says "Sure," anyway, and Jo declines. 

He throws aside his magazine after Bobby leaves, and returns to looking at the wall. He's still staring at it when he hears a hesitant voice saying, "Dean?" 

Dean's head jerks up and he stares at Kevin, and he's not even able to form words for a few moments in his shook. "Kevin? What- what are you doing here?" He gets unsteadily to his feet, half wondering if he wanted Kevin with him so much he dreamed him here. He takes a few steps towards the kid, reaching out, then letting his hand fall back down to his side. 

Kevin shakes his head, stepping so they're close together, and he can gently touch Dean's arm. "Sam's hurt, and you're scared. Where else would I be?" 

The craziest thing is, Kevin believes it, Dean can tell. Really, truly believes he should be there for Dean. Dean's been fighting to keep his emotions in check for almost six hours now, and at that realization, he just . . . breaks. 

Dean pulls Kevin close against his chest, wrapping his arms around Kevin's waist and sliding his hands up his back. Dean presses his face close against his neck and starts to sob, dry, things that get stuck in his throat. Kevin just hugs him back tightly, supporting Dean's body with his smaller frame. He has one hand on Dean's neck, and he squeezes gently, murmuring, "Hey, hey." 

He doesn't try to tell Dean it's okay, because he knows it's not, just holds him firmly and says hey over and over and over again. Dean knows it's got to hurt where he's digging his fingers into Kevin's back, but he can't make himself let go, needing Kevin to anchor him. For once, Dean just lets himself be comforted. Doesn't let himself think he doesn't deserve this, just takes the comfort offered Kevin's in arms. 

Dean's not sure how long it is before his breathing starts to slow, and he's taking careful measured breaths against the soft skin of Kevin's neck. He can't help but nuzzle a little into him, and it strikes him suddenly that his neck is wet, that he's been crying into Kevin's shoulder, not just dry sobbing. Kevin presses his face into Dean's neck in return, softly rubbing Dean's shoulders now. 

Pulling away just enjoy to look at Kevin's face, Dean takes him in, sliding his hands down to settle on the kid's hips. Kevin doesn't let go of Dean either, keeping them connected, and just looking at him and waiting for Dean to say his piece. He's half afraid he'll see pity in the other's eyes, but there's none of that, only compassion. "Hey," Dean says, low and quiet, twisting his lips into some approximation of a smile, hoping he can convey all his gratitude into that one word. 

Kevin seems to get it though, because he graces Dean with a half smile, moving his hand up to cup Dean's face. No one's done that for a long time, and Dean closes his eyes and presses his face into Kevin's palm. "Hey." 

"You didn't have to come," Dean says, and Kevin rolls his eyes at him, dragging his knuckles over Dean's stubble and looking in his tired eyes. 

"I wanted to." 

Dean gives him another squeeze before letting go. "Thank you," he says, looking away from Kevin for the first time in several minutes. Ellen is sitting next to her daughter, watching them with an expression Dean can't interpret. 

Dean laughs a little, shifting to put an arm around Kevin's waist and glancing at Ellen. "I'm surprised you let him come, Ellen." He finds it hard to believe because Ellen's usually so frim and scary, unshakable and unmoveable. 

Ellen snorts, though it's without much humor given their current situation. "As though I could have _let_ him do anything once I told him," she says, and Dean looks back at Kevin who shrugs nonchalantly, but he can tell he must have been hard to fight against if that's Ellen's response. 

"C'mon," Dean says, leading Kevin to the hard waiting room chairs and Kevin sits, hugging Jo as he settles next to her. Jo sighs, and Dean hears her murmur a thank you, just like he had. It hits him as he's standing there, watching over them, that he's incredibly, incredibly lucky to have Kevin here for him. He's never had someone who wasn't family go to the lengths Kevin has gone, though at this point, Kevin **is** his family. His leg is stiff from sitting too long, so he remains standing, resting a hand on Kevin's shoulder just to keep in contact with him. 

Bobby walks in carrying two cups of coffee, and his eyebrows raise only slightly at Kevin's appearance. He gestures with the coffee at Kevin, "Hey, kid. Coffee?" 

Kevin raises his head from Jo's shoulder and looks around at them. "Does anyone else want some?"

"Nah," Dean says, snagging the cup and giving it to Kevin, and Bobby hands the other to his wife, who smiles gratefully at him. 

It's like that for a couple more hours, and Dean's still on edge, but Kevin's presence helps him, he's still thinking about Sam, still worrying and going in circles inside his head, but when he gets too deep into the depths of his head, Kevin seems to sense it and reassures him with a hand on his knee or a squeeze of his hand. 

Family, Dean knows, is the people that go above and beyond what you ask of them, the people who sometimes do things you _didn't_ ask of them for your own good, the people that are there for you, always. If Dean had any doubt in his mind about Kevin's place with them, it would have been gone now. Kevin has never needed to prove himself to Dean, but if he had, this would have done it. Kevin is here, for them, for Sam. For _Dean_. He doesn't have to be, and that makes it all the more meaningful. 

At long last, Doctor Fodor comes out into the waiting room. Dean immediately springs up, and the others aren't far behind him. Dean tries his best not to jump at her and demand to know how Sammy is, it's a little after eight, so the surgery should be done by now. Try as he might he can't help but say, "What's up? Do we know anything?" 

She gives him a tired smile and his heart leaps with hope. "He's out of surgery, and he's doing extremely well. As far as we can tell, with lots of rest, he'll be fine." 

Dean almost cries with relief, and he can't speak around the lump in his throat, but Kevin slips his hand into Dean's and squeezes, and Dean squeezes back, hard. 

"Can we see him?" Dean asks, almost begging. He has to see with his own eyes that Sam's okay. 

The doctor nods, smiling slightly and it takes all of Dean's will power not to go barreling down the hallways to find Sam. The five of them file behind Doctor Fodor as she leads them down several sterile hospital corridors until she opens the door of a room and enters. 

Sam's laying in the hospital bed, looking pale, and exhausted. There's a few bandages on his face and arms, but Dean knows the major ones are under the hospital gown. His hair is sticking to his forehead, and he looks like he's pretty drugged, but he turns to look when Dean says, "Sammy?" 

"Dean?" It's a croak, and bleary hazel eyes are trying to focus on him, but Dean's so happy he could cry. 

He hugs his brother carefully, then puts a hand on his sweaty forehead, smoothing his long hair out of his eyes. "How're you feeling, Sammy?"

Sam lets out an approximation of a snort, eyes finally focusing on Dean. "Drugged," he grunts, but he gives Dean a weak smile. "Good to see you." His eyes slide past Dean to land on the other members of their family. "Hey, guys." Sam blinks at them all crowded into his hospital room, and looks back at Dean. "Is this a party?" 

That makes Jo laugh, though it comes out a bit like a sob, and she goes to the other side of the bed, gently wrapping an arm around him. "Hey, Sam." 

Sam smiles at the blonde head, "Hey, little sister." 

Ellen comes over to hold Sam's hand, and her eyes are a little wet as she says, "Oh, Sam." She hugs him around Jo and Dean, then stands back, wiping her eyes and trying and failing to sound stern as she adds, "You better never scare us like that again, young man." 

Bobby pats him on the shoulder and gruffly says, "It's good to see you, son." 

"Hey, guys, I'm okay," Sam says, and Dean can tell he's having trouble keeping his eyes open, drugged as he is, and still he's trying to comfort **them**, even though he was the one that almost died. Sam's leaning heavily against Dean now, but he manages to lift his head a little to look at Kevin, who's been hanging back by the door, just watching. He gives a little wave when his eyes meet Sam's and Sam gestures him over. Kevin shuffles over to stand awkwardly by the bed, and Sam pats him. "Hey, man." 

"Hi," Kevin smiles, and Sam lets his head fall back against Dean, his eyelids slipping closed. Kevin's eyes dart up toward Dean's, and Dean pours all the gratitude and reassurance into his gaze as he can. He'd like to reach out to touch Kevin's arm, but he's holding his brother up, so he tries to put it all in to his eyes. Luckily, Kevin's getting good at reading the words and feelings in Dean's gaze, because he smiles, shy and bright, before stepping back again to give them more room. 

Dean's almost certain that Sam's asleep now, and a nurse peeks into the room. "I know this has been a lot of stress for you all, but I need you to leave now so Sam can get some rest," he says, softening his command with a smile. 

Jo, Bobby, and Kevin file toward the door, but Ellen stops to squeeze Dean's hand as she passes, letting him have a few moments with Sam to himself. The nurse waits patiently as Dean slips out from behind his brother and lays him down on the pillows, pulling the blankets up to tuck him in like Sam's a kid again. He smooths his hair one more time, and then pads quietly to the door, stopping for a moment to look at the nurse. "Take care of my baby brother, you hear?" 

The nurse nods. "Of course, we'll do everything we can to make sure he's comfortable and recovering well. He'll have to stay here for a few days so we can keep an eye on him." 

Dean's not exactly satisfied, but he figures that's the best he's going to get right now, so he slips out the door and trails behind his family back to the waiting room. 

He's shoulders are relaxing a little after seeing his brother. Sam's still a mess and he's going to have a few weeks of recovery time. At least now Dean can keep an eye on him and force feed him soup and grilled cheese until he's better. 

In the waiting room, Ellen checks her watch, and Dean checks his own on instinct. It's eight twenty-seven, and Dean starts. "Shit, the Roadhouse was supposed to open over two hours ago." 

Ellen rolls her eyes. "I already took care of that, called Ash and had him open, it's not like there's too many people there at that time, just a few truckers passing through who think it's a great place to get breakfast." She frowns at her watch again. "Jo and I probably need to head over there now, though. We'll be back for regular visiting hours though." She studies Dean's face. "That okay?" 

He gives her a smile. "Of course. We know he's okay now, I get that you have to go." He glances at Bobby. "Bobby, can I stay with Sam today? I'll make up my wor-"

Bobby cuts him off. "Dean, stay with your brother. I can handle the shop for today." 

Dean lets out a relieved sigh. He needs to be here when Sam wakes up again. He squeezes Kevin's arm. "Hey, you need to get home? I can drive you quick?" 

"Dean, no, I don't have anywhere to be today. I'll stay with you." 

God, this kid is going to kill him. Dean's fairly well acquainted with waiting at hospitals alone, it's not like needs to have someone there, doesn't want Kevin to have to stay with him when he could be doing something else. But Dean knows Kevin, and Kevin wouldn't be offering if he didn't want to, if he wasn't willing. He doesn't have to, but he wants to, and Dean takes a deep breath, and lets himself be comforted. 

Still, "You sure?" He asks, and Kevin gives him pretty much the look he was expecting, the _Yes, Dean_. He lets himself smile, and fights the urge to hug Kevin again, but after last time he's going to try not to get snot and tears all over his friend again. 

Bobby, Ellen, and Jo leave for work, all promising to be back by visiting hours, and Dean waves them off. As Jo leaves, she takes Dean by the arm and says lowly, "Dean, are you sure you're okay? I can stay." 

They both know she can't, the Roadhouse is understaffed as it is. "I'll be okay. I have Kevin." Jo follows Dean's gaze to Kevin, who's writing in a notebook. As though sensing their eyes on him, he looks up and gives them both a soft smile. Something flutters in Dean's stomach and he tramples it down because even though he's starting to realize what it is, now is _not the time_. 

"Okay," Jo says, like that's it, like that's enough for her, she trusts Kevin to take care of Dean, knows as long as he's there, Dean's going to be okay, and Dean fights to push away the panic he feels, because no one is supposed to get as close as Kevin's getting.

Dean stares after her for a few moments, and all of a sudden he wants to flee, because how did Kevin get under his skin like this? How did he crawl into Dean and make him need him? It goes against every instinct Dean has, and the rising feelings he's refusing to identify just make it worse. He wants to give into his instincts and run and leave, but he can't do that to his brother. He can't do that to Kevin. He cares about him too damn much. 

He comes back over and sits down, putting a bright smile on his face to hide all his swirling emotions, holding up a pack of cards. "Want to pass the time?" 

Kevin can tell he's hiding something, but bless him, he merely smiles and says, "Yeah, Dean." And the sound of his name in Kevin's voice is almost too much to bear.

 

Dean wakes up slowly to soft voices. Kevin's sound asleep on Dean's arm where he had drifted off, weary from lack of sleep, and Dean had closed his eyes for a little bit. He thinks it's been longer then that though, from his grogginess and the way his arm is cramping from Kevin laying on it for so long, and his knee is stiff from being in the same place too long. 

Slowly, he becomes aware of what woke him, the soft mummer of voices, and he listens without hearing for a few moments before he catches something that makes him jerk fully into wakefulness. "-Sam Winchester." 

Dean looks around for who said that, landing on the counter with the receptionist. There's a man there now, but he's turned away from Dean so all he can see is messy dark hair and a tan trench coat. The voice was distinctively male though, so it must have come from him, and Dean doesn't recognize him as anyone they know, so why is he asking for Sam?

He stands carefully, trying not to wake Kevin up, and he approaches the guy, limping a little because of his stiff knee. He taps the guy on the shoulder. "Hey, buddy." His words friendly, but his voice distinctly not.

The guy turns around with a bemused expression. "Hello?" he asks, like he's not sure if that's the proper term. 

Dean folds his arms and tries to look intimidating. "What do you want with Sam?" The guy opens his mouth but before he can answer, someone else speaks.

"Prof?" 

Dean and the guy both turn to stare at Kevin who's blinking sleepily at them. The guy looks startled. "Kevin?" 

Dean spins back to Kevin. "Wait, you know this guy?" 

Kevin stands up and makes his way over to them. "Yeah, Dean, this is Professor Novak. My religion professor, remember?" Dean does, but he has no idea why Kevin's religion professor is here, for Sam. 

He levels a hard stare at Novak, still on edge. "Okay, Professor, what do you want with Sam?" 

"I'm Sam's friend," Novak says slowly, looking Dean over. Novak swallows, "And you? Are you his . . . boyfriend?" 

Dean chokes. "What?! I'm his brother. And I've never heard Sam talk about you, how the hell did he even meet you?" A better question comes to mind and Dean voices it. "And how the hell did you even know he's here?" 

"He was my- student," Novak says. "For his freshman and sophomore years at MJU. We were- are, friends. I just came to see if he was alright." 

Dean squints at him, folding his arms and going on the defensive. "Uh huh, you this friendly with all your students, Prof?" 

Kevin puts a hand on his arm, and it calms him down, if only a little. He rubs at his face, and looks back at Novak, who looks like he's not sure what to say. He seems fairly harmless, but looks can be deceiving. He also knows, though, that Sam would beat up anyone that tried to hurt him, and Kevin likes the guy, so maybe he's being honest, maybe he really is just an old friend checking up on Sam. Novak said he had been Sam's professor in his freshman and sophomore year, and Dean hadn't exactly been around for those. Or his junior or senior either, just barely making it to his brother's graduation after an honorable discharge do to a bullet in the knee. It's not as though Sam could fit everything about his college life into letters and the stories he told when Dean was back.

"Look, man," Dean says, using a slightly more even tone than before. "Sam's been through a lot, he's okay now, but he needs to rest and it's not time for visitors yet. I'll tell him you stopped by, yeah?" He knows he's still probably growly and maybe a little rude, but that's as pleasant as he can make himself right now. 

Professor Novak accepts his ruling gracefully though. "Of course." He pauses, reaching into his tan coat, and pulling out an a cream-colored envelope, with 'Sam' written in a messy hand on it. He hands the envelope to Dean. "Will you give this to him?" 

Dean raises an eyebrow. It's probably just a get well card, and he's been kind of a jerk to the guy, so he shrugs and says, "Alright, sure," stuffing it into his pocket as he speaks. 

"Thank you, Dean," Novak says, and turns to Kevin. "Goodbye, Kevin, I'll see you after winter break." 

Kevin waves. "Bye, Professor." 

The man strides away without looking back, his tan coat billowing out behind him, like something out of an action film. They watch him leave, and Dean shakes his head, something strange sitting in his stomach. It doesn't occur to him until much later, that he never told Novak his name. 

He glances at Kevin. "You like this guy right? He's not some weirdo?" 

Kevin shakes his head. "Not as far as I know, no. He's a great teacher, and he's mentioned meeting with his students after they've graduated. Maybe he's just friendly?"

To Dean, Novak seems a little awkward, but it doesn't matter, he'll ask Sam when he's feeling better. "Yeah," he says. "I'm sure it's fine." 

Before Kevin can reply, a nurse comes out to the waiting room and approaches them. "Mr. Winchester? Your brother's awake, and wants to see you." 

All thoughts of Novak fly out of Dean's mind as he spins around, and starts forward, but he stops, glances back at Kevin. "I-"

Kevin waves his hand. "Go on," he says with a smile. "I'll be here." 

"Thanks," Dean tells him, already turning and following after the nurse. She leads him back to Sam's room, and Dean almost runs into it. Sam's sitting up, looking a little more coherent. "Sam," he says. "You okay?" 

Sam laughs. "Yeah, still a little drugged, but that's keeping most of the pain at bay, at least while I'm lying down." He grimaces as he shifts in place, as though to illustrate his point. "But I'm good. The nurses have been telling me you're still hanging out in the waiting room. God," Sam glances at the clock "How long have you been here, Dean? You need to go home and sleep." 

Dean glances at his watch. It's half past twelve. "Oh, you know, eleven hours or so. I'm good though, and I'm staying to make sure you are. Besides, I napped with Kev in the waiting room." 

"Excuse me if I don't consider hospital chairs the best place to nap, Dean. At least go home and shower?" Sam suggests. "Besides, don't you need to get lunch for you and Kevin?" 

"Oh shit," Dean says, remembering he hasn't eaten, and he doubts Kevin has either. He's used to it, but the kid needs to eat. "Yeah, maybe I can go pick up some lunch and take him home, poor kid's hasn't even been home since Ellen picked him up." 

Sam shakes his head, as though he's going to beret them for staying again, but Dean holds up his hand. "We were worried about you, Sam. Real worried." 

"I know. But I'm fine now. You can at least go take Kevin home and then go shower and power nap. I'll be okay." Sam reaches out and squeezes Sam's arm. 

Dean considers. "Fine, but don't think I'm not coming right back here afterwards, and haunting this hospital like a restless spirt till you get out of here." 

Sam sighs. "I suppose hoping otherwise is wishful thinking." 

Dean grins sunnily at his brother, ruffling his hair, even though he knows Sam hates it. "Oh, before I forget, friend of yours stopped by and dropped this off." He pulls the letter out of his pocket and hands it to Sam. 

Dean's not expecting the way Sam stares at it, tracing one hesitant finger over the handwriting of his own name. "Oh," he says, softly, and Dean can't tell if that's a good oh or not, if Sam's happy about this. 

"Sam-" He starts to ask, but Sam quickly puts the letter down.

His brother turns to smile at him, but it's a little strained. "It's fine, I just haven't heard from him in a while." 

"Right," Dean says slowly, searching his brother's face, but Sam has schooled his expression. This isn't over, something still not sitting right with Dean, but he isn't going to push Sam now. Instead, he pats Sam's shoulder. "I'll be back soon, okay? Call if you need anything."

His brother sighs, put upon. "I know, Dean. Go take Kevin home." 

 

Kevin eats the burgers they stopped to get like he's starving, and Dean can't honestly blame him, the way he's stuffing the last of his second burger into his mouth with one hand, and steering the car with the other. Kevin swallows, glancing at Dean. "You really didn't have to do this, you know. I could have stayed." 

Dean swallows his own mouthful before shooting Kevin a smile. "I know, but you look like you're going to fall asleep right here. Go home and get some rest. I promise I'll come get you tomorrow if you want." 

Kevin relaxes visibly. "Yeah, that'd be good. As long as you promise to call or text if you need anything. Or if you just want to talk?" 

He reaches over and gives Kevin a pat on the knee, leaving his hand there for a few moments before he remembers why he shouldn't, and returns it to his own lap. He clears his throat, smiling again at Kevin's kindness. "I promise. Now let's get you home." 

Dean pulls the Impala into the dorm's lot, parking and turning off the engine. He reaches into the backseat before he forgets, pulling out a package wrapped in newspaper and tossing to Kevin. "Here, I forgot to give this to you earlier. Merry Christmas?" 

"I didn't get you anything," Kevin says, softly, brushing his fingers over the newsprint and staring at the package like he doesn't quite know what to do with it.

It's crazy, that Kevin would think he would need to get Dean anything, that Kevin himself isn't already enough. Already too much. He doesn't say that though, just touches Kevin's arm. "It's okay. This isn't big, just something I thought you might like, since you're always cold." 

"I'm always cold?" Kevin asks, as he slowly tears open the paper, glancing at Dean with a confused frown on his lips before uncovering the red wool arm warmers. He stares at them, fingers touching them almost reverently, and Dean's never seen someone act that way over **arm warmers** before, for Christ sake. 

"Yeah, I mean, you always wear long sleeves, thought you might like them." He's getting a little worried, because Kevin's not saying anything, so he hurriedly adds, "I thought they'd look nice on you, too, I mean, the color, that is. But if you don't like them, that's fine I can take them ba-" 

Kevin cuts off his babbling with his arms around Dean's neck and his face pressed into his shoulder. "I love them. Thank you, Dean." 

Dean hugs him back hesitantly, feeling awkward, and crazy with the way Kevin sounds, so happy and breathless. Wants to be the reason he sounds like that, all the time. 

"You're welcome," he returns, because he can't say anything else.


	8. Easy as pie

"Can I ask you a favor?" 

Like so many nights now, Dean's on the phone with Kevin, his voice a reassuring sound that Dean has trouble falling asleep without anymore. He feels especially comforted right now, with Kevin's voice in his ear and the knowledge that Sam is only a wall away. He shouldn't get used to this, shouldn't get used to having Sam right here again. He can't help it though, Sam is right there where Dean can make sure he's okay, and he finally feels sort of okay.

"Of course, whatever you need," he replies, and means it. After Kevin showed up in the hospital last week, just when Dean needed him, Dean would do just about anything for Kevin. He probably would have done just about anything for him before that too, but that reaffirms it, stronger then ever. 

"Really?" Kevin askes, his voice sounding hesitant in Dean's ear. "Um, so, do you remember Charlie?" 

Dean does, he's not sure how he could forget her, she had found Kevin trashed at a party and actually made an effort to help him, even though she didn't know him. She'd seemed like a sweet kid too. "Yup."

"Okay, so, we've been talking a little, and she invited me to this game night she does with her friends every Friday," Kevin tells him. 

Dean sits up on his bed, grinning down at his quilt. "That's awesome, Kevin! You're going to go, right?" 

Kevin sounds like he's fidgeting on the other end of the phone, and Dean doesn't doubt it, he doesn't think he's ever had a conversation with Kevin where the kid didn't fidget. He can't seem to ever sit still. "I think so, but, um, she said I could bring a friend if I wanted? So I would be more comfortable?" 

"Uh huh," Dean nods, though Kevin can't see it, waiting for what Kevin's going to say next. 

Kevin sighs. "Would you come with me, Dean? I know you're probably busy with Sam, but-" 

He cuts Kevin off before he hurts himself with all the babbling. "Hey, yeah of course I'll come, I said whatever you need, didn't I? And it sounds fun. What time on Friday?" 

"Um, seven?" Kevin asks, like he's surprised that Dean agreed so readily. "Dean, are you sure? You don't have to come." 

After all this time, and Kevin still doesn't know that this is small fry compared with what Dean would do for him. Kevin needs friends, needs them badly, and friends who aren't Dean are definitely encouraged. "Of course I'm sure. Might even be able to drag Jo along if you think Charlie wouldn't mind one more," he adds, thinking of his sister and how he can't actually remember the last time she went out. 

"Really?!" Kevin sounds even more enthused now. "No, I'm sure she wouldn't! Thank you, Dean, really,"

Dean smiles down at the quilt. "Anytime, Kevin." 

 

Before he and Jo go to pick up Kevin that Friday, Dean steps into Sam's room. Sam's not actually bedridden, he can get up and get what he needs, just no strenuous activity, and he's going to be staying for another month.

Dean feels by turns guilty and happy about it. He's glad Sam's here, where Dean can take care of him, so half his mind isn't always worrying and wondering about his brother when he knows he's safe at home. But on the other hand, Dean knows Sam, he's always been itching to go out and do things, big things, Sure, Same can work on papers and articles while he's stuck at home, but Dean knows it's not the same, not what Sam really wants -or needs- to be doing. 

Maybe he shouldn't even feel guilty, after all, Ellen had been the one who insisted Sam stay and rest up. He can't help it though, this feeling he's always had, that he's holding Sam back. 

Dean knocks on the frame of Sam's open door, smiling a little when it takes him a few seconds to look up, so absorbed is he in the screen of his laptop, his fingers almost flying across the keys. Sam always gets so focused on his writing, it's like the rest of the world falls away. he does the same thing with books, and Dean sometimes wonders if he forgets which world is the real one. 

Humans and their one track minds, Dean thinks. He doesn't get that way with books, but put an engine under his hands, and the world dissipates the same way, and all Dean can think about is the car, the engine, how to make it work again, almost like he becomes one with the car. He gets lost in people too, in a way that's probably not normal. 

Sam finally looks up, blinking a couple of times to orient himself to reality. He pushes his laptop aside, and gives Dean his full attention. "Hey, what's up?" 

Dean shrugs, going further into the room and kicking Sam's legs until he scoots over, huffing lightly, and punching Dean on the arm as he sits. "I thought I was supposed to rest and relax, not be bothered or harassed?" Sam says drily, folding his arms tightly across his chest for show. 

Dean reaches over to playfully, but very gently, shove his shoulder. "I don't recall anyone saying that last part," he grins, getting the eyeroll he's expecting from his brother. "So," Dean continues, "Jo and I are heading out to hang at Kevin's friend Charlie's place. I'd have invited you, but I figured you still needed to rest up." 

"It's fine," Sam smiles, gesturing at his computer screen, "I need to finish this article. Have a good time. It's nice to see you hanging out with friends, Dean." 

Dean frowns. "Hey, I hang out." 

The bitch face that Sam gives him is legendary. "Dean, before Kevin, you hung out at bars."

"That's hanging out!" 

Sam shakes his head, and some of his ridiculous hair gets into his face, and Dean gets a vindictive sort of joy out of it. It's not much in the long run, but he doesn't need it rubbed in his face that after Sam left, Dean was pretty much a loner. 

Still Sam gives him another look after he fixes his stupid hair. "I specifically said "with friends", Dean. I'm pretty sure the bartender and your assorted hookups don't count as friends." 

Dean kind of wants to ask exactly how many friends Sam has, but he doesn't want to get into a fight with his brother right now, so he settles for hitting Sam's foot again, and saying, "You're a real bitch, Sammy, you know that?" 

Sam must be able to recognize some of what he's feeling in his face, because he only laughs, replying, "I know, jerk. And hey," he adds, catching Dean's arm and giving it a squeeze. "I mean it, okay? Have fun. You deserve it." 

Dean swallows, giving Sam a tight smile, because he still can't quite believe happiness is something he deserves but he'll try, at least tonight. For Sam. For Kevin. Maybe even a little bit for himself. He stands, making for the door, only to stop and turn back to Sam. "You never told me about that guy. Novak." 

Sam goes still, and a look flashes across his face, so fast that if Dean didn't know Sam better then he knows himself, he would have missed it. As it is though, Dean's spent so much of his time with Sam that he catches the look, some cocktail of longing, worry and trepidation. It's gone as quick as it comes, but Sam looks everywhere but at Dean, as though he knows Dean must have seen and read his face. "I know. It's a bit of a long story. I promise I'll tell you everything soon, okay?" 

It's not what Dean wants, but it's going to have to be good enough for now, so he goes to the door and gives Sam a small smile. "I'll hold you to that. Don't stay up too late!" 

The tone of his parting words is joking, but Sam's voice is far too serious, almost weary as he replies softly, "I know you will." 

 

Jo twists her hands in her lap as Dean drives them to campus to pick Kevin up. She's ignoring the glances Dean sends her way, ignoring his intakes of breath as he prepares to speak, and then decides against it. Usually, when he does this, Jo will eventually snap out a sharp "What? Spit it out, Dean" and her silence makes Dean wonder if this was a mistake, if he shouldn't have asked her to come. 

He finally follows through and says softly, "You okay?" He keeps his eyes on the road, knowing Jo hates people looking at her when she's vulnerable. She has something about being seen as weak. Dean tries to understand, but he doesn't really _get_ it. Sure, he understands not wanting to be vulnerable, or weak. He hates that too, feels like his back is exposed in a room full of enemies. Feels like everyone can see right through him. What he doesn't get is how, because Jo is the furthest thing from weak he can imagine. She's like her mother, a woman forged in pain and loss, who built up a bullet proof shell around herself. 

Jo grunts, and he can tell without looking at her that she's rolling her eyes. Maybe they're more similar than he thinks, deflecting and denying and repressing, because they're so afraid of what the world would say if they showed themselves openly.

Maybe he should listen more to his little sister, instead of drowning in the pain and self-loathing in his own head. 

"I'm fine," she says brashly, brushing him off like she couldn't be anything else. "Just because it's been awhile since I hung out with college kids, doesn't mean I'm going freak out." 

Dean wonders which of them she's trying to convince. 

He can't say anything else because he's pulling up into the dorm parking lot, and Kevin's standing right there waiting for them. Dean's stupid heart flutters and he stamps down on the feeling. Kevin hurries over and slides easily into the backseat, and Dean notices that he's shivering a little, threadbare jacket hardly helping against the cold January weather. He's wearing the gloves that Dean gave him, and the brilliant red looks good against his skin, and contrasting with his black hair. 

"Hi- hi guys," Kevin smiles, but his teeth are chattering and Dean frowns, twisting in his seat to scrutinize Kevin. 

"How long were you out there, you look like you're freezing. You could have waited inside," Dean tells him, looking him over to access how cold he really is. 

Kevin shrugs, and his boney shoulders are shaking. "I wa-wanted to make sure I sa-saw you," he answers. 

"We could have called you, you didn't have to freeze out here," Jo adds, looking concerned. 

Kevin scoffs, or tries to at least, he doesn't really succeed, he's shaking too hard. "It's f-fine, it's n-not th-that c-" 

"Oh for God's sake's," Dean interrupts, getting out of the car, and moving into the back seat. He digs around for the blanket he keeps stashed under the seat, pulling it out and wrapping it snugly around Kevin's shoulders, rubbing his hands up and down over them to warm him up. 

"Dean," Kevin tries to protest, "We n-need to get to Cha-Charlie's." 

Dean snorts, pulling Kevin tighter against his own side, and Kevin curls into him against his will, seeking his warmth. "I'm not getting back in the driver's seat and taking you to Charlie's until you stop shaking." 

Jo doesn't even bother trying to suggest driving, she just rolls her eyes and slouches down in her seat. The engine is on, and his baby is keeping them all warm. Kevin's cold nose is pressed into his neck, but Dean doesn't dare joke or complain about it, knowing he would think Dean was being serious. Slowly, Kevin stops shaking and hesitantly says, "Dean, I think you can let me go and drive now." 

Dean pulls away and makes a show of looking Kevin over, and he rolls his eyes, batting at Dean's arm. "Come on, we're going to be late." 

Dean reluctantly gets out of the back with Kevin and gets into the driver's seat. Jo, the traitor, raises her eyebrows at him, and Dean mutters a annoyed "Shut up," soft enough that only she can hear. "So where to?" Dean askes Kevin as he backs the Impala out of the parking lot and back onto the road. 

Kevin gives him directions to an apartment building just a couple miles off campus. Dean shoots a couple of glances to both Jo and Kevin through the short drive. Jo doesn't have that look on her face anymore, and her hands are unmoving in her lap, and Kevin's cheeks are flushed warmly and his teeth don't chatter as he recites the addresses. 

Charlie's apartment is pretty average, surrounded by a couple others just like it, and Jo and Dean follow Kevin up to the second floor and hang slightly back as Kevin knocks. Dean casts another fugitive glance at Jo, but she sees it and elbows him between the ribs, hard. 

Dean grunts and shoves her with his hip and she gives him a betrayed face. Dean is saved from retaliation by the door being flung open, and is hardly able to process the whirl of red hair as Charlie before she's flung her arms around Kevin's neck, hugging him fiercely. "You made it!" 

Kevin hugs her back a little awkwardly, but he looks pleased. "Of course we did, Charlie, you remember Dean? And this is his sister, Jo," he adds as Charlie releases him.

"Hi!" Charlie gives each of them a hug, grinning fondly, and Dean can't help but smile back, she's very upbeat, and her energy is infectious. "Come on in guys, you can meet the gang."

The apartment is small, but comfortable, and there's three college kids, two girls and a guy, sitting on the floor around the coffee table, even though there's a perfectly good couch right there. The table is stacked lots of games, half of which Dean's never even heard of. 

"Alicia and Max, the twins," Charlie says, pointing to a pretty girl with wavy black hair and light brown skin, and a guy with a mostly shaved head. They both wave, grinning. "And that's Jade." Charlie points to the girl on the other side of the table with curly black hair and she raises her hand and waggles her fingers at them. "Guys, this is Kevin, Dean, and Jo." 

Dean lifts his hand in a wave as everyone exchanges heys, and Charlie practically bounces with excitement. She's clearly as happy as Dean is that she's manged to get Kevin to hang out with her and her friends. She grabs Kevin's arm, saying "Kevin, will you help me get snacks from the kitchen? Dean, Jo feel free to take a seat." 

Charlie drags Kevin off without waiting for his answer and Dean raises his eyebrows at the kids on the floor. "So . . . is like the couch off limits or . . . ?" 

Alicia laughs. "Nah, we just usually sit on the floor so we don't break our backs reaching the table. The dining table's too small for games."

Dean glances over at the dining table, which is indeed tiny, and crammed into a corner. Two chairs have been shoved so they're sort of under the table, but mostly not. "Yeah, I can see that." He lowers himself to the floor next to Jade, making a face when his knee protests with a shooting pain. "I'm too old for this."

Max makes a show of looking him over. "Well I wasn't going to mention it . . ." 

Jo snorts, sitting down at the end of the table, between Max and Jade. "If only you knew guys, if only you knew." 

Dean points a finger at her indignity. "Watch it missy, after me you're probably the oldest here." 

Jade squints at her. "How old are you?" 

"I'll be twenty-three in April," Jo tells her, and Jade grins brightly. 

"I got you beat then, my twenty-third birthday's in March." 

Jo shoots Dean a pointed look. "Guess you're the only old one here, Winchester," and Dean throws a D-20 at her. Jo catches it easily, and flutters her lashes at him, all nervousness gone. As much as Dean pretends to be annoyed at her, he's happy she's relaxing, fitting in. 

Charlie and Kevin come out of the kitchen, and Kevin has at least three different kinds of chip bags in his arms, and Charlie's carrying a casserole dish and a six pack.

Dean catches her eyes, looking pointedly at Kevin and then the beer. Charlie laughs, setting the casserole dish on Max's lap, for lack of a better place to put it. "Don't worry, Dean, Kevin already said he didn't want any." 

"Any wha- beer!" Max exclaims, and Alicia rolls her eyes in much the same way Jo does at Dean. Charlie holds one out for him, and then starts laughing when Alicia quickly snags it out of Charlie grasp, popping the top with one of the many rings decorating her fingers. She takes a swig from it while Max splutters at her. He shoves his sister, but Alicia doesn't spill a drop, quickly twisting away as he tries to grab it from her, nearly upending the casserole which Dean can now see is full of brownies. 

Dean grins at their antics, it reminds him of himself and Sam, or him and Jo. Charlie starts handing the beer out to everyone but Kevin, who goes back to the kitchen to get a coke. As he returns, he sits down at the opposite end of the table, across from Jo. Once everyone's got their drinks, and the chip bags have been opened and deposited on laps, Charlie crams herself between Jo and Jade, and everyone shifts around, trying to fit the seven of them around the small coffee table. They're all pressed together, close enough that their crossed legs brush, and both Kevin and Jade's knees are resting lightly on top of his own due to the lack of space. 

He's generally not a fan of close contact with people he's just met, but everyone's pretty easy going, so Dean lets himself relax. Charlie plonks her beer on the table, precariously balanced on top of a stack of games, and looks around the table expectantly. "Guests chose the first game," Charlie says, grinning. 

"I don't know what half of these are!" Dean declares, throwing his hands up, and Kevin looks so terrified at the thought of picking the game that Jo, bless her, rolls her eyes and picks up Taboo.

"Let's start with something classic everyone knows then," she suggests holding the box aloft. 

Max leans over her shoulder, squinting at the back of the box. "How do we play with seven people?" 

"One three player team, one four player team," Jade advises.

It's been awhile since Dean's played Taboo, but he's always been one for making up new rules for games. "What if we just had three teams? Three, two and two? Play the same number of rounds, whoever gets the most points wins." 

"And whoever's next to the clue reader can just be the buzzer person," Charlie nods. "Now we just have to break into teams-" 

Max groans loudly, and everyone looks at him, Dean, Jo and Kevin questioningly, while his friends have more knowing looks on their faces. "Charlie does this thing," he explains, "Where whenever anyone new plays games with us, she makes us break into groups so that the teams don't know each other." 

Charlie pouts. "It's more fun that way! You and Alicia have literally been together since the womb, if you're on a team together you'll win instantly! Jade and I have been rooming for together for two years, not to mention we were girlfriends for half a year, and I presume Dean, Jo, and Kevin all know each other pretty well too." 

"We know you have strong feelings about this, honey." Jade pats her arm. 

Charlie's pout intensifies, but lucky for her Kevin says, "I mean it sounds like it'd be better Charlie's way." 

"Traitor," Max shoots at him, but he's grinning, and Charlie's beaming, and Kevin looks flushed and happy in a way that makes Dean warm inside.

Knowing she's won, Charlie claps her hands together excitedly, making a show of looking around the table. "Jo, you're with Jade, Dean, you're with Alicia, and Kevin's with me. Max, even though you're trying to undermine my rule, you're also with me." 

Max reaches across Alicia to clasp Kevin's hand, "At least I'm not stuck with her alone, pray for us, team of woe." Kevin smiles shyly at Max, and it almost looks like he's blushing. Dean feels something that he insists to himself isn't jealousy curl inside of him. 

Charlie rolls her eyes. "Moving on, we'll let Jade and Jo go first." 

Jo gets the cards set up, and Charlie leans over her shoulder with the buzzer. Dean grabs the timer, and at Jo's nod he flips it over, yelling, "Go!"

They play the game for six rounds, and Kevin, Charlie and Max win by a landside, prompting everyone to insist it was only because they had an extra player, and them to insist it was pure talent. After that, it's several rounds of Cards Against Humanity, and Dean thinks he has it made, but Charlie, Alicia, and Jo are all disturbingly good at it. Dean doesn't think his laughed this much in, well, ever. Come to think of it, the whole domestic sit down and play party games with friends was never something he did. Dean had been to plenty of parties, bars, that sort of thing, he's never really done this simple thing. 

Dean's half afraid he's going to do something to mess this up somehow, to ruin it for Kevin, but every time he gets too buried in his own thoughts, there's a squeeze on his arm, and Kevin's eyes are enough to bring him back to the real world.

 

As they're leaving that night at twelve, Kevin falls back a little, letting Jo go ahead, and Dean stays back with him. "Hey, so I, uh, have something to tell you. This probably isn't the best time, but I kind of feel like I need to get it out now, you know?" 

"Yeah, of course." Dean squeezes Kevin's wrist gently before letting go, waving to Jo to go ahead into the car as they reach the parking lot. It's still pretty cold out here, and Dean shrugs out of his heavy coat and drapes it around Kevin's narrow shoulders. 

"Dean," Kevin protests softy, but Dean just rolls his eyes, fixing the collar of the coat. He's still got his lighter jacket on, and Dean's always been pretty good at enduring the cold. 

"Hey," Dean says softly, letting his fingers trace ever so briefly over Kevin's jaw as he finishes straightening the collar, and Kevin shivers again. "You can borrow it until you get a better coat. Especially if we're going to talk in the cold like this." 

Kevin sighs, and he does look a little silly in Dean's coat, as it's a couple sizes too big, but he's not shivering anymore, so as far as Dean's concerned, it's a win. "Okay, um, like I said, I know this is a weird time to mention it, but everyone in there seemed cool about stuff like this, and it sort of reminded me, and I guess I just sort of, uh, that you should know. That I'm. Um. Gay."

Dean's not . . . surprised exactly, but at the same time he kind of is. It's not that he didn't suspect, but he's caught off guard, now that it's confirmed. That Kevin likes guys. Males. The gender Dean is a member of. But he just squeezes Kevin's shoulder and smiles. "You're in good company, man." 

Kevin's mouth opens a little, and Dean is momentarily distracted by the sight of his tongue darting out to lick over his dry lips. Apparently that wasn't the reaction Kevin was expecting. "Oh! Good. Good. Wait- are you . . . ?" 

He puts the poor guy out of his misery. "Bi, kid. And Jo certainly doesn't discriminate between genders either, although I don't think she's uses label for it. Even if we weren't, we'd support you. You know that?" 

Kevin smiles again, shy and soft and beautiful, and Dean has to fight down every urge that's telling him to do things that are definitely not on the table. And won't be. Ever. Period. 

"Yeah. Thank you," Kevin says, and he steps forward and hugs Dean tightly. 

"No problem, Kev. No problem." 

Except it seems that Dean might have a problem.

 

Apparently confessions is the theme of the night, because when Dean and Jo arrive back at the house half an hour later, Sam's still up, and he beckons Dean into the room. 

"Hey, Sammy," Dean says, hoping against hope that Sam won't mention anything about the game night. Or Kevin. Please God do not let him mention Kevin. 

But all Sam says as he pats the bed next to him is, "If you're not too tired, I'd like to tell you, now." 

Dean's immediately on alert and he toes off his boots and sits on the bed. "Yeah, of course Sam. I'm always here to listen." 

Sam looks to the door. "You too, Jo," he says quietly, and Jo comes in from where she'd been lurking in the hallway, sitting down against the headboard next to Sam. Sam looks between them, and takes a deep breath.


	9. Keep your chin up

"When I was a freshman at MJU," Sam begins, "My favorite class was my religion class. I'd always been interested in the topic, but my teacher, Professor Novak, was so passionate about it that it made the class better then any other. On any other topic he was so awkward, but once you got him into a debate about studies, he could talk for hours." Sam gives a small laugh, eyes darting to the side as though remembering something. "When I turned in my first paper, Castiel had me stay after class to talk about it, and we had an argument that lasted nearly an hour. I guess that's how we become friends." 

Dean would like to interrupt, ask for the shortened version of this story, but he knows that's not fair to Sam, knows Sam needs to get all of this out in the open. Jo too waits without comment, and Sam continues. "I took his second level class the next year, and just like the first I would often stay after to continue the debate we'd had in class. It was good. Easy. We were friends. And no, Dean, before you say anything, nothing happened while I was in his class. Cas was perfectly respectful all the time." 

"I wasn't going to say anything!" Dean defends, although he might have been gearing up to it and Sam rolls his eyes, and Jo kicks him. 

"Go on, Sam," she encourages, glaring pointedly at Dean. 

"Anyway," Sam says, "Cas didn't teach any higher than sophomore year, but in my junior year we started meeting for coffee every week, sometimes twice a week. As you can imagine, during the two years I had known him, I had devolved something of a hopeless crush on Castiel. Obviously, while he was my teacher that could never happen. Even though he wasn't actually teaching me anymore and there was nothing saying he couldn't date me, I was too insecure to mention it. Castiel was seven years and quite a few degrees ahead of me. I never really entertained it as a real possibility that he would want to date me."

Sam's hands grip the sheets tight, and he looks down with a sigh. "I won't go into the details, because I doubt you want to hear them, but about half way through my junior year, I couldn't take it anymore, and I told Cas how I felt about him, all tearful confession style." Sam pauses to laugh at himself. "Cas was so awkward, I thought he was never going to talk to me again because he was stuttering and blushing, and it turned out he felt the same. So we decided to try dating." 

Something isn't sitting right with Dean, and he can't help but speak up. "Wait, hold on, how did I not know about any of this? Did it just not going anywhere and you didn't feel like you had to mention it?" Even as he says the words, Dean knows that can't be true. Sam wouldn't be so affected by the guy now if they hadn't had something more then just a brief relationship. 

Sam sighs, resigned. "No, it- it went somewhere." 

His brother sounds so, so sad, and Dean clenches his fists. Did this guy break his brother's heart? "How long did you date?" Dean asks. It was probably a while, maybe even through the end of Sam's junior year. 

"A year and a half." 

" _What?_ A year and a half?" Dean echoes, shocked. "And you never bothered to tell me?!" 

Jo's hand shoots out, and she grips Dean tightly by the wrist. " _Dean,_ " she hisses, eyes drilling into him in a way that's both a plea and a warning.

Dean forces himself to relax, uncurling the fists he hadn't known he had clenched. "Why didn't you tell me?" He tries again, quieter. 

"We broke up right before you came home," Sam explains. "It was still so fresh that I didn't want to talk about it at all, not even to you. I was happy you were home and I didn't want to bring you down with anything like that. I just wanted to enjoy the time we had together."

Dean rubs his face with the hand that isn't being held in a death grip by his sister. "Okay but, Sammy, that was two years ago! You never once in all that time thought you could tell me something that had been a major part of your life for over a year?" Dean must be a failure, if his little brother felt like he couldn't talk to him. Dean is supposed to be there for Sam. He knows he wasn't there for a long time, but long enough that Sam believed he couldn't tell Dean his problems? Has Dean ruined that much? "And... you're still friends? Even though he broke up with you?" He's never been friends with any of his. Not that he had that many exs. Dean doesn't imagine the trail of people he's been a warm body for count. 

Sam doesn't have the same gleam as before when he was recounting happy memories. He looks broken hearted, like it's still fresh. Maybe it is. "He didn't want to hold me back," and he's so quiet that Dean has to strain to hear\the words, and Dean's heart aches for him. He doesn't say anything else. though Dean knows there must be more to it. It's an echo of his own thoughts everyday, that Dean held Sam back. That he's holding Kevin back, making all the same mistakes by not getting out of the way.

He glances at Jo, to see how she's taking it. He expects her to be upset for Sam, or shocked at his story, but looking at her face... she's not surprised. "You knew," Dean says slowly, and his voice is almost an accusation. 

Jo's expression is guarded, but her grip on his wrist doesn't lessen. "I was here, Dean. The whole time. How couldn't I?"

She doesn't mean it as a slight, doesn't mean it the way Dean hears it, but he can't help but take it that way. Jo was here. Jo was here, and Dean wasn't, because Dean was off fighting a war he didn't care about to distract himself from the one inside his own head, still reeling from the death of the father he didn't want to love as much as he did. "I should have been here," he whispers, not daring to look at either of them. "God, Sammy, I should have been here." 

Sam grips Dean by the arm. "Dean, I was fine. For most of the time you were gone, I was at college, and I was okay. I missed you like hell, but I was okay, I was. And the only reason I didn't talk to you about it when you got back was that I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I never actually talked about the break up with Jo, Bobby or Ellen." He moves his hand from Dean's arm to his shoulder. "I'm over it now, I am. I was pretty sick with heartache at the time, but I understand why he did it now." Sam sounds like he almost believes it, but Dean can't forget the heart broken expression from before.

His eyes are blazing when he looks up and locks them with Sam's. "Why he did what? Break up with you? Or take advantage of you when you were just a kid and I wasn't here for you?" He knows, in the very back of his mind he's not making much sense, but he can't help his sudden anger. 

Sam's eyebrows fly up in shock. "Take advantage- Dean, he never took advantage of me. By the time we started dating, he wasn't even teaching me anymore! I was twenty, plenty old enough to know what I wanted and certainly old enough to recognize intentions that weren't pure." 

Dean rolls his eyes, snorting. "Oh, right, twenty, so you were oh so mature!" He says sardonically, shaking Jo's tightening grip off his wrist. "Yeah, maybe, but how old was he again? Twenty-seven? You were just a kid, Sam! He was a full grown man! He should have known better. Shouldn't have made you fall in love with him and then dropped you like a hot potato for some bullshit reason!" 

Jo sucks in a harsh breath as Sam recoils like Dean's hit him, pulling his hand from Dean's shoulder. He's angry too now, angry and hurt. "So you think if you had been there he wouldn't have 'Taken advantage'?" Sam asks, air quotes and all. "I could take care of myself! Even if you were there I wouldn't have stopped seeing Cas! What would you even have done?" 

"Sam," Jo says, reaching for him now, "Dean, you need to calm down, I'm sure-" 

They talk over her though, Dean getting to his feet as he almost yells, "You want to know what I would have done? I would have knocked some sense into him. He was your teacher! He was older, and you trusted him, and he used that for his own gain! He thought that just because you were friends, he could have you, cause he was lusting after you like the sick pervert he is! That's not right!" Dean claws at his own hair, causing it to stand up wildly. "It's not right for someone to do that, Sammy," he says dropping his voice, and it's almost a plea.

Sam's eyes are hard, and his arms are folded across his chest. "You don't know _anything_ about my relationship, Dean. You have no idea what Cas thinks or thought." 

"Oh, trust me, I know what he was thinking," Dean hisses in contempt. 

"Are you talking about Cas, Dean?" Sam sneers, tone dripping with scorn. "Or are you talking about yourself?" 

Dean barely hears Jo's gasp over the roaring in his own ears. " _Fuck you_ ," he spits, before leaving, slamming  
the door behind him with a bang. 

 

Dean avoids Sam for the next few days. He knows he needs to apologize to his brother, what the hell was he thinking, fighting with Sam when he just got back from the hospital? Sam could have died, but as usual instead of supporting Sam like he said he would, Dean let his own feelings get in the way of helping his brother. 

He just... didn't want to admit that maybe Sam was right. Didn't want to even think about the possibility because that would mean... that would mean... Dean wouldn't go there. He couldn't go there. He wasn't going to break the trust put him in, he wanted to be deserving of that faith. And if Sam was right, how could he be? 

Luckily for Dean, Kevin's homework, not to mention Harry's presence in the dorm had kept them from having a phone call since the night they had gone to Charlie's. They still text, but Dean is able to pretend everything's normal in a text message. 

Of course, when Kevin's finally free for a call, Dean's resolve crumbles with his need to hear Kevin's voice. He waits impatiently for the ring before hearing Kevin picks up with an excited, "Hey!" 

Dean chuckles despite himself, smiling at the ground like an idiot. "Hey yourself, nerd." 

There's a huff of laughter on the other end of the line. "Are we still pretending that's an insult, instead of a term of endearment?" 

Dean freezes, like he's been caught. His stomach twists and he chuckles awkwardly, "Nope, totally an insult. Don't try to tell me you haven't been burying your nose in those books with no regard for your health." 

There's a telling silence and Dean huffs out a "Ha!" Glad to be back on even footing. 

"Yeah yeah yeah, like you haven't been staying up half the night making sure Sam's okay," Kevin teases, and Dean's stomach twists. 

"Yeah," He says hollowly, because he still is, just not when Sam's awake to notice.

Kevin's instantly concerned. "Dean, is everything alright? You sound upset." 

Dean sighs, leaning back against the bench. He's on the swing, huddled out on the cold porch, because better that then in the room next to Sam's with it's paper thin walls. He has half a mind to shrug it off, tell Kevin he's just tired. But he doesn't want to lie to his friend. "Sam and I had a fight." 

"Oh," Kevin sounds surprised. "Why?" 

Dean scrubs a hand over his face because he really, really doesn't want to think about why. "Lots of reasons. He didn't tell me something for awhile, I got upset, and said some stupid things," he says, his voice full of self-deprecation.

"Hey, you're brothers, you're going to fight sometimes. And we all say stupid things, just think about why you said it, and talk to him. Maybe if you explain why you lashed out, he'll understand." 

It's sound advice, but Dean's not sure he can stomach that kind of self evaluation tonight. He's seized with a stupid, despite need to see Kevin's face, to hug him. Before he can think better of it he blurts: "Can I come over?" 

"What?" Kevin says, sounding almost taken aback, and Dean's berating himself for voicing that thought. He's opening his mouth to take it back, but Kevin beats him to it. "I mean, of course yes, Harry will be back in about twenty minutes though, but manybe we can go somewhere?" 

"Yeah, that's fine, great," Dean sighs in relief that he hasn't chased Kevin away with his neediness. "I just, I want to see you." It comes out more desperate then he means it to. 

"I want to see you too," Kevin says, quiet, sincere. 

"Right," Dean finishes awkwardly. "I'll see you soon." As soon as Kevin says goodbye he hangs up so he doesn't embarrass himself further, throwing his phone in his pocket and hurrying into the house. He snatches a extra blanket out of the hall closet, because with how cold it is out, the one in the car might not be enough. 

He's hoping his family will let him be, but as he passes the living room, Ellen calls out, "Going out?" 

"Yep." 

Ellen raises her brows at him from where she's reclined with a book next to Bobby. He's been getting that kind of look from her since the fight with Sam, and Dean has the distinct impression it means she thinks he's a dumbass. She's probably not wrong. "You'll be back tonight?" 

Dean nods jerkily. "Yeah. Just running out to see Kevin." 

Ellen's face relaxes, and she leans back into the couch. "Alright. Drive safe."

He quirks his lips in a smile he doesn't feel. "Yes ma'am."

 

Dean makes it to the dorm in record time, rapping three times on the door and he can't help but grin as it opens almost instantly, Kevin on the other side, smiling back. He's gathering Kevin into his arms before he can think about it, and Kevin melts easily into him. Dean has a few wonderful moments of breathing him in before he notices Harry sitting on his bed, making a disgusted face.

Dean pulls back quickly, not wanting Harry to get any ideas and take it out on Kevin. He shoots the kid a pointed glare, before shifting his gaze to Kevin. "You ready?" 

"Yeah," Kevin says, grabbing his jacket and stepping into the hallway, closing the door on Harry's sneering face. He tilts his face up at Dean, smiling, though Dean can read the undercurrent of concern in the other's eyes. "Where are you taking me?" 

Dean laughs, as they head down the stairs. "It's a surprise. But first, we're getting hot chocolate." 

"Aren't you a little old for hot chocolate?" Kevin teases. 

Dean gasps, mock afforded. "You're never too old for hot chocolate." 

"Mm, I'm not, but I'm afraid you might be." They push through the doors, and out into the parking lot where the Impala is sitting under a street lamp.

Dean tries to swat him on the back of the head, but Kevin dodges out of the way, twirling a little afterwards. Dean knows he's doomed when all it does is make him smile, ducking his head as he unlocks the car and mutters, "You're a dork." 

When they get to the drive through coffee shop Dean saw on the way in, he orders two hot chocolates, with extra whip cream at the request of Kevin, and he really can't fault the kid's taste. As soon they get the chocolate, Dean pulls back out and heads down the empty road, driving out of the city and into mostly farm country. Kevin peers out the window, cupping his hot chocolate with his red gloved hands. "Okay, seriously, Dean, where are we going?" 

Dean hums, smiling when he sees the familiar field, pulling off the road and parking the car in the middle. "Not so much a where." 

Kevin turns to face him fully as the car comes to a halt. "Okay, you've lost me. What the hell are we doing out here?" 

"We," Dean pauses, partially for dramatic effect, but mostly so he can reach into the backseat for the blankets, "Are going stargazing." 

Kevin gapes. "It's the middle of winter!" 

Dean holds the blankets up, triumphantly. "We don't have to, but we won't be too cold, I promise. Sam and I used to do it all the time when we were kids." Dean almost regrets mentioning his brother, doesn't want Kevin to think he's a replacement for Sam. He's not of course, Sam and Kevin are two of the most important people in his life, but they're not interchangeable. Sam is his brother, the little boy who became the man Dean's proud he raised. And Kevin is his best friend, is...

But Kevin's face is softening at Sam's name, and he puts his hand on Dean's arm. "Alright. Show me the stars, Dean Winchester." 

They clamber out of the Impala, Kevin holding both cups and Dean carrying the blankets. He spreads one out on the hood of the Impala, so they won't be leaning right on her cold metal. Dean sits on down, keeping his feet on the ground for balance, still holding the other blanket, and pats the spot beside him. Kevin perches dubiously next to him, and Dean feels him shiver. 

He shakes out the blanket, wrapping it around both their shoulders. He takes his cup, sipping at the warm liquid, and bumps his shoulder gently against Kevin's. "Warm enough?"

Another shiver is answer enough as Kevin says, "Well, not quite." 

Dean shifts his cup to his left hand, so he can wrap his right arm around Kevin, pulling him in close against his side so they can share body heat. Kevin comes willingly, letting his head loll onto Dean's shoulder as he tips it back. "Wow, you can see the stars really well out here." 

"Told you," Dean says. They sit quietly for several minutes, drinking their chocolate and looking up at the clear sky. Dean's surprisingly warm with Kevin all pressed against him, and he realizes that this could be interpreted as romantic. It makes his heart ache and he fights to push down that part of himself. That's just not in the cards for them, and Kevin's friendship means everything to Dean. He doesn't need anything more. 

They stuff their crumpled cups into Dean's jacket pocket, and Dean leans them back so they're pressed flat on the hood of the car, legs hanging off. Kevin shifts until he finds a comfortable position, half curled over Dean, face to the sky. He's tracing random patterns absently over Dean's chest, and Dean has to work hard to keep breathing. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kevin asks slowly, and for a couple heart stopping moments, Dean thinks he knows. Knows all about the wrong wrong _wrong_ feelings Dean's been trying to supress. It's not until Kevin adds, "Sam, I mean," that Dean can breathe. 

He thinks for a moment. "I don't know. I know I'm in the wrong, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, and I can accept that, can apologize to Sam. But," he sighs, and his breath stirs Kevin's hair, "I don't know if I want to rehash it all. I just want-" and he stops because, honestly, what does he want? It's not like the world has ever given a damn about what Dean Winchester wants. "I want right now, just to be, you know?"

Kevin hums. "I know," the tips of his fingers rubbing right over Dean's heart, as though he wants to know what's inside it. "Tell me a story." 

It's so unusual a request that Dean huffs out a surprised laugh. "What about?" 

Dean's arm moves with Kevin's shoulders as they shrug. "Whatever you want." 

He searches his mind for something. If he were Sam, he'd regale Kevin with some tale about the constellations they're staring up at. If he were Jo, he might recall something he had read online. But instead he goes back to his own fondest memories, a way to talk about Sam without talking about what's most recently happened. 

"Sam was one of those kids who always asked why. He wanted to know everything, and most of the time, I didn't know whatever it was he wanted to know. Not like we just look it up then either, so I'd make stuff up on the spot." Dean's hand comes up to stroke through Kevin's hair as he talks. "We'd go stargazing a lot as kids, like I said. When Dad would drop us off at Bobby's for a few weeks we'd crawl out onto the roof after bedtime, and look up at the stars." 

He lets his fingers brush over the back of Kevin's neck, continuing "When he was maybe three, this kid gets it into his head to wonder how many stars there are in the sky. 'Course I had no idea, didn't know there were billions and billions. So my estimate was a little off." 

Dean feels as much as hears Kevin's laugh against his throat. "Oh yeah? What did you tell him?" 

He grins up at the sky. "Well, a thousand was about the biggest number I could think of on such short notice, and I had the habit of adding 'and three' to everything at that age when I was trying to make it random, so I said a thousand and three." 

Kevin laughs again. "It was a good effort, and it sounds sort of poetic."

Dean snorts. "Ah yes, I was extraordinarily poetic when I was seven." 

"You were a prodigy," Kevin agrees. They're quiet again for awhile, and it's easy in the way it's only every been with Sam before. Everything Dean wants to say to Kevin hovers on the tip of his tongue, but he can't open his mouth to let out the words. Doesn't know if he ever will. 

He settles for what he can say right now. "Thank you," he says, quiet against the top of Kevin's head. 

Kevin's hand stills on his chest. "For what?" He asks, sounding genuinely confused. 

"Everything." And his lips brush ever so slightly over Kevin's forehead. "Thank you for everything."

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts!


End file.
